Before everyone starts jumping to conclusions and assuming that they know where I'm coming from, you don't. Our experiences are different, and I am only speaking from my perspective and what I have experienced. So yes, there will be other perspectives because I am only focusing on mine. That being said, it doesn't mean that because I don't write about the other that it doesn't exist. I don't write this to persuade anyone from believing what I am saying. It's just a forum for me to express my thoughts and because it's just me, they can be wrong. Before you assume I am speaking some universal truth, I am not. Just speaking my truth.
For the past year I have been thinking about what it means to be a woman and what this whole gender equality thing means to me. I think that being "equal" is the wrong term. I do not want to be compared to men, because I'm simply not a man. Comparing men to women is like comparing oranges to apples. How can you compare the two when we're just bottom line different? This picture is forever stuck in the back of my mind, because it shows that just because we are treated "equal" it doesn't mean that it's fair. I've experienced this first hand, and the harder I tried to be equal to men, the more it was hurting me. At the end of the day, what it takes for me to succeed is going to look different than others-- and specially men.
I don't want to be equal to a man, because I'm a woman. And you know what I do want? I want to be treated fairly. I want my gender to not dictate how someone will approach me. I believe the better term to describe what we are missing is: fairness. I believe fairness will be achieved when women obtain financial freedom and make their own income independently of men, while for men to obtain emotional freedom, they need to stop blacking out to be able to open up.
Dear Women and everyone that identifies as women:
We were not taught to save money. We were taught that our value relies on how many things we have. It's sad that we have no self control, and walking into Target turns into an internal struggle and by the time we leave; we are $100 dollars deep with things that we don't need and yet we buy. I'm sorry we are not taught to invest in our financial freedom, the same way we are taught to buy makeup and hair products. I'm sorry we need candles and decorations to make a place feel at home, because we can't be content without it.
Yet all those obstacles can't stop you from picking up a book, or reading an article on how to improve your credit score. It's time to start watching the videos on investing. Financial freedom is fucking scary, but it has to be achieved. You have to give yourself the things that are hard, and financial freedom is one of them. If you have a cut, do you wait until someone cleans it for you? No, you do the damn thing and put a ban-aid on it; this is no different. It's not easy and it's scary and you're not going to get it right on the first try.
I know we always joke about, "my back up plan is to be a trophy wife", but do you know what you're giving up when someone else pays for your car? Do you know what you're giving up when you don't pay for your own bag? And to top it off; then you pass that on to your kids. The burden that little boys feel to be the bread winner, ad that keeping a girl happy relies on their salary. The burden that little girls feel when they think they can't be the bread winners. You may lie to yourself and say it's only affecting you and your life, but that's not true, it affects every one around.
And on that same token, it is also okay to seek that safety net. I understand why my grandmother, mother, and girlfriends do it. I understand that financial insecurities make us react differently. My grandmother did the best she could, and so did my mom; but it stops at me. It's also okay if your significant other is the bread winner. Just don't lie to yourself and call it something it's not.
Dear Men and everyone that identifies with men:
I am so sorry you don't know how to articulate your emotions in a healthy way. I am so sorry you're perceived as a simp for liking someone else. I am sorry you constantly have to prove you're not gay for simply being. I am so sorry you think it's not okay to be gay. I am so sorry you are so angry, and you black out just to be able to open up. I'm sorry you need alcohol to talk to the girl you like. I'm sorry some women see this as a weakness and manipulate you. I'm sorry you're not allowed to cry in public. I'm sorry you're emotionally under developed. I'm sorry you have to pretend to be tougher than you are. I'm sorry you're not allowed to be feminine because it confuses others. I'm sorry you try to hide who you truly are. I'm sorry everyone assumes you're an asshole, when no one has taken the time to talk to you and tell you that behavior is not fucking acceptable. At some point, you need to grow tf up and stop thinking you're always right. You need to take learning into your own hands, no more excuses.
But you can no longer stay idle. To all the men reading this, you are enough. You don't need to earn a shit ton of money to be wholesome. You can be wholesome all on your own. It's okay to ask for help, when you don't know what you are feeling. It's okay to cry when you are sad. It's okay to cry when you are happy. You need to stop thinking you are crippled just because you're not the best at figuring out your emotions. You need to stop seeking women to do the talking for you. You need to initiate the conversations too. You need to learn how to cook on your own. You need to learn how to deep clean. At some point you need to stop calling your mother and figure it out for your damn self. Mothers, stop doing everything for your kids, they need to learn to fall and stand up on their own.