Words of affirmation are my primary love language, and I chose some powerful words and phrases to keep with me permanently as reminders to "future Natalie."
Tattoos are becoming more popular in modern culture. I understand that getting one is a very personal and permanent choice and I think it should be treated with respect. However, I am so excited to write this article explaining the two I got on June 9, 2017. I will start by explaining the literal meaning and then the personal meaning.
I think the craziest thing is that this past year was extremely chaotic, and I have always had reservations about tattoos.
I know they are permanent and painful, and I was always worried about changing my mind. However, when I walked into the tattoo parlor, I was utterly calm. My best friend and her mom had several tattoos each from this location. I had no fear of regretting my choice, nor the pain involved. I had done extensive research on aftercare, and signs to look for in case of infection and what to do if that happened. I was prepared to hide them for jobs in the future with pants and cardigans if need be. I also knew to watch them open new needles and ink.
I was prepared, and peaceful, which I never expected.
First, my wrist tattoo says, "so it goes;"
This is a quote from Kurt Vonnegut, also combined with the semicolon movement. Vonnegut frequently uses the phrase "So it goes" as a refrain when events of death, dying and mortality occur, as a narrative transition to another subject, as a memento mori, as comic relief, and to explain the unexplained. It appears 106 times.
For me, "so it goes;" represents this idea that life comes in waves and sometimes isn't explainable but you must flow with life and not fight it. While some may see it as a line that expresses giving up, I see it as a line expressing a beautiful surrender to something bigger. It is a realization that I may not understand all the workings of the universe. It is an understanding that even if things get tough they are impermanent and that is what makes life beautiful.
Tied to the semicolon, it is expressing that just because life gets difficult it doesn't end there and its not worth attempting to end. It is open ended in grammar because I get to write my own story, and my journey is never finished.
It is also a reminder to savor the sweet moments because they too will be gone quickly and must be accepted as impermanent.
My second tattoo was on my ankle, and it reads "T'shuvah" in hebrew.
I first learned about this Hebrew word in a Rob Bell podcast. It is found in the bible in Psalms, and quite possibly other places as well. T’shuvah literally means "return."
To spiritually "return" is a process of re-alignment with the Divine Presence within us and around us, and with family and community. It means to come home.
For the past year I have felt so incredibly lost and angry. I had felt so at home in Washington D.C. and suddenly did not feel at home in Macon, so I blamed it for all my problems.
Shortly after moving to Macon, I walked away from my understanding of Christianity in an act of useful deconstruction. However, I also left my communion with a higher power and my self care routines of prayer, journaling, meditation, time in nature, being in a small group, etc. This was not useful.
This past week I went to a healer in an attempt to continue working on my struggle with depression. It was the first time in a long time I heard my higher power speak to me.
When the healer reached my right ankle, I heard "I guide your steps," among other things like "you are exactly where you belong."
And later that week, this word "T'shuvah" popped into my head but I didn't remember the meaning, so I looked it up and I knew instantly that I wanted to remember that moment forever. I wanted to return to the spiritual path I was created to live out and reach my full potential.
I wanted to T'shuvah, and I knew that I would have many more times in my life that I would get lost and need the reminder to return, recenter and reconnect with my higher power.
These tattoos are not some pretty design or phrase to me, and they weren't something I got on a whim while down in Florida with my friends. They are deeply connected to who I am and who I want to become.
