31 Stages Of Being An English Major As Told By 'The Office'

31 Stages Of Being An English Major As Told By 'The Office'

No, I don't want to be a teacher.
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I can speak for a lot of us English majors when i say that I honestly have no idea how I got here. I really didn't know what I was getting myself into when I began this journey towards my degree, but I'm somehow getting by (I think). As the semesters come and go, I have slowly begun realizing that us English majors are somewhat of a family and we have more in common than we think. The stages of our major are interesting to say the least, but I'm glad I'm not facing these struggles alone.


1) Confidentially filling out your form to change your major.

2) Innocently signing up for your first class.

3) When you realize that the rate my professor ratings were all wrong and you're in way over your head.

4) You tell the girl next to you that you thought the assignment was really hard and she says "really? I thought it was actually easy haha."

5) When you question everything you've ever learned in your high school English classes.

6) Your friend uses the wrong form of "your" in the group message, so it's basically your duty to correct her.

7) When someone questions the difficulty of your major.

8) When your class discussion gets super deep, super fast.

9) You spell a simple word wrong and you wonder how you're even allowed to pursue this degree.

10) Getting asked if I only read Shakespeare.

11) No, I will not write your entire essay for you.

12) Me: That paper definitely deserved a C.

Professor: *gives me a C*

13) All of your classes are small and attendance is mandatory so you're basically screwed.

14) Having to read an entire novel in a few days.

15) When a casual conversation gets extremely intense when you're conversing with your fellow English major friends.

16) When someone says "Wow your finals week must be pretty easy since you only have papers."

17) That one girl who always comments in class discussions.

18) Hanging with that dark poet that's in one of your classes.

19) No, I don't want to be a teacher.

20) When someone tells you how hard it will be for you to find a job after graduation.

21) Having an hour to write eight essays for your in-class portion of your exam and none of your writing makes sense but there's really no turning back now.

22) Writing everyone's text messages like the creative genius that you are.

23) When you spend more time trying to look up words in a text than actually reading the text.

24) No, I'm not dumb just because I don't want to be a doctor.

25) All of your papers are due on one day.

26) When your professor is just way too passionate about one topic and she refuses to let it go.

27) That one kid who just thinks he's a genius for relating everything back to Dead Poets Society.

28) Or The Catcher in the Rye.

29) Having to write a short response in less than 200 words.

30) Everyone thinks your classes are just filled with "a bunch of liberals."

31) Realizing that although it may be difficult at times, you wouldn't change your major for anything.

Cover Image Credit: nerve.com

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18 things all college kids think during their first week home of summer break

Because it's so nice to be home, I think?

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1. Ahhh, it's so nice to be home

Buckingham Palace ain't got nothing on this place

2. OMG my pups!! I missed you doggos so much

Just accept my love. Pls. Love me back, I've been gone for 8 months. I'm begging.

3. Wow this queen bed is so big

*cue sleeping in a starfish position*

4. Finally a bedroom to myself

Headphones? I don't know her.

5. But wait, it's kinda scary sleeping in a dark room alone again

"Hello? Are there any ghosts in here?"

6. Sooooooo, no more meal plan?

Are you sure the local Chick-Fil-A doesn't accept meal swipes?

7. Who am I supposed to annoy at 2am if my friends don't live down the hall anymore?

2:30 AM: "Mom? Dad? Wanna go get french fries with me? Maybe watch a movie?"

*Snoring*

"Okay maybe tomorrow...Sorry for bothering you. Okay good talk!"

8. "Mom you're going to do my laundry now, right?"

I mean it's kinda your job isn't it?

No? Okay yes ma'am I will do my own laundry no problemo, aye aye captain!

9. Me and my friends are going to spend every day together

*Me talking to myself through the camera on Snapchat*:

"So we're approaching day four with zero human interaction. Pretty good work, but we could do better!"

10. Yes, final grades are in! Can't wait to see what I got this semester!

*Slowly closes computer screen*

11. Do I really have to ask my parents to leave the house?

*Doesn't Ask*:

Mom: "HOW DARE YOU LEAVE THIS HOUSE WITHOUT OUR PERMISSION! YOU LIVE UNDER OUR ROOF AND WILL ABIDE BY OUR RULES."

*Asks*:

Mom: "Oh honey you're an adult now, you don't have to ask! Come and go as you please!"

12. Chores? Yea no thank you.

They've been doing them without me for months. They're all set.

13. Wait, so forreal though.. do restaurants in town take my meal plan?

Bank Account: $5.93

*Whispers to worker* "I won't tell if you don't. Just swipe my school ID, see if it works."

14. Will my Juul set off the fire alarm in my bedroom?

Probably.

*Rips Juul*

15. I kinda underestimated how weird it would be to hang out with people from my high school again.

"Oh no you haven't changed a bit Janice! Your baby is so cute lol."

*Awkwardly laughs*

16. Why do my old friends have new friends?

I don't like this, not one bit.

17. Can they tell that I'm not really listening to their stories about school?

"Yeah haha Delta Sigma Mu sounds sooooo dope Chad, that's ~wild~ that you had late nights three times a week lol!"

"Oh you snuck into the football stadium when the gates were unlocked?? That's crazy, you're crazy, school sounds... crazy!"

18. I'm bored. How long until I can go back to school?

Is it too late for a summer intersession?

Cover Image Credit:

upload.wikimedia.org

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I Never Learned Any Practical Life Skills At School, So I'm Teaching Myself On The Fly

Frankly, I have no idea what I'm doing.
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Some days, I’m pretty sure I never learned a single practical skill as a child. Or at least, my brain never retained a single bit of that information. Because I have no idea what I’m doing.

In this life, you’re either a kid or an adult. Somewhere along the line, people suddenly stopped treating me like a child and immediately expected me to act like an adult. I can’t pinpoint exactly when this occurred, but this change was abrupt. I had no responsibilities and no worries. But I also was not allowed to have any opinion or say, else I was being rude. Now, I’ve been thrown out to the wolves. They said, “You have to do everything yourself now, good luck!” And I have approximately zero life skills to get me through.

Why do they teach us the things they do in school? I have learned about the American Revolution no less than three times in my schooling, but not once did they teach us how to deal with a customer yelling at you about company policy that isn’t your fault, or how to deal with anxiety that’s crippling your ability to function.

They’ll punch you in the gut with useless algebra until you collapse, but god forbid you learn the proper way to tip at a restaurant. Do they teach you which important paperwork to keep around, how to deal with a landlord, the proper way to meet someone and take them out on a date, or how to fix a car? No, but I bet that everyone knows that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.

Yeah, some of these things might be useful if you’re going to grow up to be a historian or an engineer or a biologist or a mathematician. But in a lot of cases, you’re probably not going to be one of those things, and at some point in your life you’re going to have a minimum-wage job which makes you hate your life. You’re going to be living on your own, and you need all these practical life skills to get by. And have you learned any of them? Probably not.

My parents have taught me a good amount of things, or at least have given me a quick crash course, but school was absolutely useless. The amount of information I retained from middle and high school is surprisingly little, and it’s really enlightening to not only how arbitrary everything they teach you is, but also how the system doesn’t work. That information could potentially be useful or at least interesting, but the grading system based on results rather than learning turns off any useful outlet.

After leaving the comfort of my home for the first time and shipping myself off to college, I realized exactly how little I knew about anything. I was an AP student and always considered myself to be smart, but now I realize how absolutely useless that is in the real world. You know how you BS a paper, and how you did that all through high school and college? I’m currently doing that with every aspect of my life. If no one knows I’m faking, perhaps they’ll think I’m a real adult. And maybe one day, I’ll learn all these life skills on the fly.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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