31 eloquent Stages Of Being An English Major, If You Worked For Dunder Mifflin Scranton

31 eloquent Stages Of Being An English Major, If You Worked For Dunder Mifflin Scranton

Sometimes you just start a sentence and don't even know where it's going.

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I can speak for a lot of us English majors when i say that I honestly have no idea how I got here. I really didn't know what I was getting myself into when I began this journey towards my degree, but I'm somehow getting by (I think). As the semesters come and go, I have slowly begun realizing that us English majors are somewhat of a family and we have more in common than we think. The stages of our major are interesting to say the least, but I'm glad I'm not facing these struggles alone.


1) Confidentially filling out your form to change your major.

2) Innocently signing up for your first class.

3) When you realize that the rate my professor ratings were all wrong and you're in way over your head.

4) You tell the girl next to you that you thought the assignment was really hard and she says "really? I thought it was actually easy haha."

5) When you question everything you've ever learned in your high school English classes.

6) Your friend uses the wrong form of "your" in the group message, so it's basically your duty to correct her.

7) When someone questions the difficulty of your major.

8) When your class discussion gets super deep, super fast.

9) You spell a simple word wrong and you wonder how you're even allowed to pursue this degree.

10) Getting asked if I only read Shakespeare.

11) No, I will not write your entire essay for you.

12) Me: That paper definitely deserved a C.

Professor: *gives me a C*

13) All of your classes are small and attendance is mandatory so you're basically screwed.

14) Having to read an entire novel in a few days.

15) When a casual conversation gets extremely intense when you're conversing with your fellow English major friends.

16) When someone says "Wow your finals week must be pretty easy since you only have papers."

17) That one girl who always comments in class discussions.

18) Hanging with that dark poet that's in one of your classes.

19) No, I don't want to be a teacher.

20) When someone tells you how hard it will be for you to find a job after graduation.

21) Having an hour to write eight essays for your in-class portion of your exam and none of your writing makes sense but there's really no turning back now.

22) Writing everyone's text messages like the creative genius that you are.

23) When you spend more time trying to look up words in a text than actually reading the text.

24) No, I'm not dumb just because I don't want to be a doctor.

25) All of your papers are due on one day.

26) When your professor is just way too passionate about one topic and she refuses to let it go.

27) That one kid who just thinks he's a genius for relating everything back to Dead Poets Society.

28) Or The Catcher in the Rye.

29) Having to write a short response in less than 200 words.

30) Everyone thinks your classes are just filled with "a bunch of liberals."

31) Realizing that although it may be difficult at times, you wouldn't change your major for anything.

Cover Image Credit: nerve.com

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25 Things To Do After 1 a.m.

You never remember the nights you went to bed early.
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I'm a night owl, and at a clean, Christian university, it gets a bit rough trying to find things to do after one in the morning. If your adrenaline's pumping with or without friends, here are some things you can do for free or using that crumpled twenty dollar bill in your pocket.

1. Dick's.

If you're feeling frisky in the wee hours of the morning, head to Dick's with some friends.

Or if you're looking for something more adventurous...

2. Watch a movie.

Reserve a time slot at the movie lounge in your dorm, pop some popcorn, and watch your hall mates cry at your favorite tearjerker.

3. Go on a walk to nowhere.

Without using a map, just walk with no destination in mind. Try to find your way back without any assistance. Of course though, be safe.

4. Jam out.


Bust out someone's guitar or triangle and go to town. If you don't know anyone who plays an instrument, borrow a speaker and blast a good tune.

5. Cards Against Humanity.


People get weirdly inappropriate when they're tired, this makes it the optimal time to play Cards Against Humanity.

6. Gasworks Park.


I swear the park is more beautiful at night when no one's there. Plus, nothing beats the adrenaline rush than when geese surround you on all sides.

7. Late-night drive.


Go for a scenic drive like the one shown above.

8. Go somewhere that's usually full of people and see it empty.

It's hauntingly beautiful to see somewhere that's typically crowded and see it completely empty. It's a private moment that you'll get to remember every time you go back.

9. Watch something in your queue on Netflix.


Hey, you put it there for a reason.

10. Learn that one thing you've been meaning to.


Whether it's a new skill, language, or hobby you want to pick up, learn it now! There's no time like the present. Or, surf some Wikipedia articles and jump from one related article to the next.

11. Scooter races.


Find out which of your hall mates will do anything to win.

12. Table topics.

If you want to find out more about your friends, but the only question you can think of is, "How do you feel about Dick Cheney?" Table Topics are perfect.

13. Retail therapy.

Or, you can do what I do and add everything to my basket and then cry when I see the total.

14. Watch the airplanes fly in.


Knowing that each airplane holds dozens of people who have their own lives and are off on adventures or returning home is so humbling. Also, airplanes look like shooting stars if you squint.

15. City wide Fugitive.


Basically Cops and Robbers, there are two groups of people. Group A tries to make it from Point One to Point Two (we had everyone meet at a park and try to make their way back to campus) without being caught by Group B. Group B is usually dispersed into cars and they flash their headlights at someone from Group A if they're seen.

16. Beth's


Who isn't down for breakfast food at two A.M.? Any 24 hour diner will do, but Beth's is the best.

17. Pinterest baking party.


Even if you don't succeed, it'll make for a good photo (and hopefully still taste good).

18. Salsa dancing.


Or swing dancing. Or learning how to do the latest dance. Dancing is the perfect way to bond by making fools of yourselves. Plus, it might lead to a vicious dance battle between R.A.'s.

19. Picnic on a roof.

Preferably a flat roof that you're not trespassing on, but make do with what you can.

20. Stargazing.

Stargazing is my absolute favorite way to pass the time using the Planets app on my phone. If you're having some trouble identifying the stars, Star Chart app is super easy.

21. Watch the sunrise.


Just pull an all nighter to see the sunrise. It's way more rewarding compared to seeing a sunset.

22. Get a tattoo.

If you just want something simple and know someone who has experience, get a stick and poke tattoo. Even though stick and pokes tend to not last as long and don't look as clean as a professional tattoo(you have to go over it a couple times), it's still a tattoo! Make sure the needles are sterile and you're using the right ink.

23. Skinny dipping.

Maybe not during this time of year in the Pacific Northwest, but spring has to come around sooner or later.

24. Karaoke.


Hit up a karaoke bar with some friends and sing your troubles away. Boxcar Ale House, Ozzie's in Seattle, Crescent Lounge, and Hula Hula are open until 2 a.m. while Seattle's Best Karaoke is open until 3 a.m.

25. Sleep.

As my roommate always says, "Nothing good ever happens past 2 a.m."

Cover Image Credit: Teresa Tsang

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Matthew, I Wish You Were Still Here

"Grief is like the ocean - it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." -Vicki Harrison

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"It'll get easier"

That's what I heard over and over after the death of my best friend, Matthew.

I believed it, too.

It's been over two and a half years since his passing and my grieving process has actually...gotten worse. It feels like it has gone in the opposite order than it was "supposed to" which has made this fall extremely difficult. You see, Matthew was a kicker on our high school's football team, so every time I see "the boys of fall" it rips me to shreds. He was a great football player too; he was headed to college to play. Football games were hard to attend because all I could think about is how much I wished I was traveling to watch him play.

Memories from songs, jokes, and pictures flood back to me more intense than ever before. I feel myself sitting in a situation just thinking it would be better if he were there. I also have started asking all of the what-ifs.

Matthew was one of my greatest friends, but he was always so much more than that. He took me to my first prom, was along for all of the crazy boy stories I made him listen to, and made me laugh as no one else could. He was my confidant, rescuer, protector and adventure companion. He was such a light in my life and the happiest person I knew.

I have again been finding myself questioning why he was taken so soon and going in reverse of my so-called closure. So much has happened recently that makes me wish he were still here to go to for all of my battles. I look at his pictures with more pain and longing than ever before. And why? I thought I had made progress. How does a grieving process go in the wrong direction?

The loss of a loved one will never "make sense". And the grieving process doesn't have an "order" for everyone. I don't think it will ever go away for me. I will just have to take each day at a time. Matthew will always be a part of me and I will always have precious memories with him. Just know that if you are feeling this way you are not alone. There's no correct way to grieve.

It's just all about learning how to swim.

Matthew would have been twenty-one at the end of this month.

I hope you're partying hard up there MP, I love you.

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