My brother is 16. He’ll be going to college in two years. Some of you have sisters, and you’re worried because 1 in 5 women will be sexually assaulted on their college campus. My brother would never hurt your sister. Hell, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’s been protective over me since I had my first boyfriend. I think that having a sister gives guys a different perspective on how they should be treating girls. He would never do anything to hurt a girl, but I worry because what if someone says he does?
What if we just stop telling girls that they need to be pure and clean? What if when your friend gets a little too drunk instead of shaming her you help her make sure it doesn’t happen again? If girls didn’t feel so ashamed all the time for their promiscuities maybe they would embrace them instead of hiding them. Stop slut-shaming. Stop telling girls to only have one partner. Stop telling girls that they’re dirty when they get too drunk and hook up with someone. Stop telling girls they're whores when they stay the night with someone just once. Because who cares? It’s really not any of your business.
I’m not defending lying about sexual assault. I’m saying I understand why some women feel the need to do it. Let’s stop making women feel like shit about their sex lives. If women don’t feel like they need to be pure and clean they won’t feel the need to lie when they aren’t. If no one feels ashamed, no one lies, and then everyone who really was assaulted; people believe them.
Isn’t that what we’ve been pushing for as a culture for years? We want people to believe survivors. Which we damn well should! When your friend comes to you, believe her. When someone goes to an authority, the report should be taken seriously. Schools should actually try to help their victims rather than pushing the events under the rug. I promise, I will believe you.
There are hundreds of campaigns going on in America to promote believing survivors of rape when they come forward. There are hundreds of cases that go unreported because they don’t think that anything will be done. Unfortunately the cases of rape that are all too real go unnoticed, overlooked and dismissed.
I worry about my brother. The fact that I had to sit him down and warn him about girls disgusts me. The fact that I can joke with him to get consent written in pen and paper upset me because honestly, it’s not such a far-fetched idea. I worry about him. Because while I know he would never do anything to hurt a woman, he could easily be accused of it. One night he could get too drunk and she could get too drunk but the next morning when she says she was too drunk to consent no one will ask if he was sober enough to consent too. So, I worry.
What I’m proposing is that we promote a culture that doesn’t slut shame. If women feel as though their actions aren’t going to be dismissed as disgusting and dishonorable maybe everyone can be more honest. And if everyone feels comfortable with societies reaction (not that they’re entitled to one) there is no reason to hide behind assault. And if no one falsely reports, everyone who has been sexually assaulted will be believed.
If no girl is afraid of what her father with think… If no girl gets called a whore at the lunch table for what she did last weekend… If no one expects that sex always means a relationship… If everyone accepts that a man can be just as much a victim as a woman… If everyone can just accept that sex is sex… That sex is natural… That sex is okay… Then we can stop slut-shaming. No one will be embarrassed of their actions. So let’s promote a culture that allows women to make their own decisions about their body. Let’s promote a culture that accepts when the man doesn’t call the next day. Let’s promote a culture where men can be accepting of the fact that it can happen to them too.
End slut-shaming to end rape culture. End slut-shaming so that everyone can pledge to believe.
