I am a guy. I have a beard, I can eat enough to feed a whole family in one sitting, and I can out-drink my friends. But behind this "rough" exterior, I am a human being that is full of emotions.
From the time a boy is young, he is taught to be tough. When he cries, he's told to "man up." Society has drummed up this idea of masculinity defining what a man can and can't be.
Well, I am here to say that I am a man, and sometimes I cry. Sometimes I get worked up. Some days I look in the mirror and feel insecure. It is not a sign of femininity to have emotions. This doesn’t make me any less of a man, it simply makes me a human being.
By raising boys to guard their emotions, to hide any fear, reservation, or insecurity they may have, we are doing them a large disservice.
I grew up in a family with that outdated 1950s mindset, where my dad was in charge and my mom followed whatever he said. As I grew up, I began to learn that many of the men in my family weren't tailor made to their rough exterior. Most struggled with anxiety and depression, but not a single one would seek help. They thought that it would be a sign of weakness, a sign of lost masculinity.
Seeking help does not make you weak, it makes you that much stronger. It shows that you have the ability to recognize that something isn't right, and you're willing to take the steps to fix it. It was my freshman year of college the first time that I had a panic attack. I didn’t know what was happening at the time, just that I could barely breathe and wanted to burst into tears and cry.
But I couldn’t. The way that I was raised, and even the society I grew up in had trained me to believe that I was just overreacting, or being dramatic. But there was nothing dramatic about the air escaping my chest faster than it was coming in. I needed help.
I didn’t reach out about my panic attacks until two years later, when they became more frequent and were actually beginning to interfere with my daily life. I couldn't make it through the day, and the anxiety became so built up that I had to move off campus and back home.
Seeking help didn't make me weak, it made me stronger. Today, I am so much happier, and I am able to enjoy my life, all because I "manned" up and got the help I needed.
Please. It's 2016. Just because you are a man does not mean you are invincible. It doesn't mean you don't have emotions. It's never a bad time to seek help, and it could save your life. Believe me, I don’t think masculine pride will help you when you're six feet under.
"To me the definition of true masculinity--and femininity, too--is being able to lay in your own skin comfortably." - Vincent D'Onofrio
