If you've had the unfortunate chance of coming across someone like this, I'm sorry. It's not that emotionally unavailable girls like hurting someone's feelings, but it just happens. These are the women that have been hurt too many times to count, and are rendered incapable of allowing themselves to feel anymore.

I am well versed in this type of woman, because I am one. I can't even count the number of times I've let people down because of this unfortunate trait of mine. I hate it. I hate being this way. Nobody asks to be unlovable. Nobody wants to hurt others because they don’t want to get hurt themselves. But it happens. It happens because someone was once that way to them. Or maybe multiple people were. Relationships, friends, peers, or anyone from their past left them this way, and the only way they're capable of coping is by inflicting that pain onto others.

I've talked myself out of writing this article plenty of times, but I decided it was too important not to write it. Other women might find some comfort in realizing they aren't the only ones. Maybe you'll hate this, or maybe you'll completely agree. Either way, it's out there. And it's important that it's out there.

Being the emotionally unavailable girl means someone took all the good in you and turned it into hate. They made themselves look like a good person. They turned you bitter, resentful, angry. They turned you into someone you never imagined you would be.

Now you look at the world differently. You perceive others based on if they have the capacity to hurt you or not. You see people as weak or strong. You see people as perpetrators or victims. And to protect yourself, you refuse to let emotion get the best of you.

So what if that guy or girl is someone you really like? Too bad. You can't let yourself get hurt again. What about making new friends? What's the point? They'll hate you eventually. The emotionally unavailable woman is scarred in a way that is deeper than the surface. This woman has faced harsh words, cruelty, anger, judgement, or fear. She is incapable of seeing the potential in others, because it means being vulnerable.

So how does this affect this woman's life?

Dates aren't dates. They're formalities.

Relationships aren't a word in their dictionary. Why open yourself up to being hurt?

Friends are just people you hang out with occasionally. You can't get too close.

Meeting new people is just a way to confirm your suspicions about others.

When this woman sees her friends get backstabbed or face terrible breakups, she draws an imaginary tally in the "people are bad" column. This type of behavior feeds on itself. She feels like her view of the world is the only sensible view. She thinks those who get hurt by others are juvenile. They set themselves up for that. In a way, they deserved it. No good can come from trusting others like that.

Not only does this woman view others differently, but instead of avoiding people, she feels the need to let others in so she can lash back out at them. It's wrong. It's terrible. But, it's true.

This woman is tired of feeling hurt, so when the next unsuspecting "victim" comes along, she sees an opportunity to teach them a harsh lesson about life: trust no one. Whether this is a potential love interest, a new friend, or a colleague, she feels the need to reel them in close and drop them the second they feel a connection. Unfortunately, this type of behavior gets into a cycle. She hurts someone, they learn their "terrible lesson," and she feels superior... until the triumph fades. Then she tries to find someone else to do it all over again.

Or this woman gets into meaningless relationships and friendships that are destined for failure. She continually gets hurt to prove that she was right all along and that the hurt she feels is punishment for thinking that could change. She believes she deserves to be hurt by others, because she refuses to change her behavior.

Emotionally unavailable women don't know if they'll ever be able to trust again, so they make that choice for others that try to get close to them. It's easier to blame someone else for not being able to handle the pressure, than to admit it was your fault for creating it in the first place.

This woman knows she needs to change, but it's hard to let go of the way she sees the world. Because the truth is, this type of woman has a lot to offer. She is kind, sweet, caring, and overall a good person. She deserves to have friends or a significant other, but her attitude and way of life are preventing this.

Regardless, she knows she must change. For her, the struggle is coming to terms with how wrong she is. She knows it will take time, but it's worth it. Because someone out there is ready to value her and may just be able to help her trust again.