I've always been a reader. To me, nothing sounds better than a hot date with a cup of coffee and a Malcolm Gladwell book at 8 a.m. on a Saturday. I probably get it from my dad, but I would be perfectly content if I had no television for the rest of my life and only a bookshelf full of non-fiction.
So, when the doctor told 14-year-old Sierra that one of the rules for the post-eye surgery healing process was no reading for 6 weeks, I felt like my life had lost all meaning. (Melodramatic? Maybe.)
My mom was basically following me around all hours of the day constantly nagging- I mean, reminding me that reading was off-limits. I found ways to get around it. I spent lots of time pretending the medication made me “sick” so that I could have extra time in the bathroom where I would just sit on the floor reading some random outdated magazine.
My doctor called to check on me and see how things were healing. She said, “Now Sierra, have you been listening to my instructions?”
“Of course!”
“So you haven’t been reading or doing anything that might strain the muscles in your eye?”
“Haha….”
She then explained the importance of allowing my body to properly heal. She said that if I were to continue over-working my eyes, that my vision might be impaired, needing another surgery, since my muscles were so vulnerable after surgery.
“As much as you want to be back to normal, you need to allow your body to recover.”
Longing to Bounce Back
About a year ago, I began treatment for depression and anxiety. Anyone who has experienced one of these two disorders knows that it takes a huge toll on your body.
The anxiety rapidly increased my heart rate, making it difficult to relax. However, on the other hand, the depression made me want to sleep all the time, and robbed me of my motivation.
After I found a medication that worked for my body, and began feeling better, I wanted to get back to my normal routine.
That routine consisted of waking up early, maybe going for a run, making breakfast and relaxing with a cup of coffee and my bible and journal.
I woke up early one morning, made a cup of coffee, and felt completely exhausted. The whole day, I felt like a zombie. My patience had dwindled down to nothing, I had no appetite and I skipped a class because I had one of the most painful migraines since before my eye surgery.
I thought to myself, “Why is this so difficult? All I want is just to be back to normal.”
That’s when Dr. Grehndyl’s voice came back into my mind.
“As much as you want to be back to normal, you need to allow your body to recover.”
Learning to Listen
It’s been a crazy season of recovery. And I’ve learned that the key to sustaining joy is listening to what your body and spirit need.
I’ve begun waking up every morning and saying, “Father, show me what my body needs today. What does my soul, my spirit, need today?”
In Galatians 5:22, we are given the fruits of the Spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control.
By daily asking The Lord what my heart needs, healing is more tangible. Some days, I need to feel loved. So I will make a coffee date with a good friend. On days I need faith, I will fast and pray with no distractions.
In the physical realm, I need to ask what my body needs. Not nutrition-wise, but what do I need today?
I might need some extra rest. So, I will take a quick nap on my lunch break. Sometimes, I need to go for a run. Some days, I need to just spend a Saturday sitting on the couch watching Criminal Minds while waiting for my laundry to finish drying. And some days, I just need to not set my alarm on a Friday night so I can sleep in on Saturday.
Just like an athlete has to recover from an injury before they can play again, a person must heal before they can love again.
I have learned that I need to embrace the process. Instead of looking ahead to the Promised Land, I need to live in the now, amongst the promises in the land I’m in currently.
I know that one day, “normal” may mean something different. Maybe I will never be a person who wakes up to watch the sunrise every morning like I used to. But I do know that The Lord will never leave me, and His presence makes me content. His presence is rest for my weary heart and weak body.
Do not be afraid of the process of healing. You’re allowed to be mad. You’re allowed to be tired. You are allowed to be “different” than your “normal.”
But also know, that you were born to be bound to the presence of God. The Father’s heart was never meant to be a place for a “relaxing retreat away from home.” It was always meant to be your heart’s home.
You will show me the way of life,
granting me the joy of your presence
and the pleasures of living with you forever.
Psalm 16:11
