“Sometimes I lie awake at night and blame myself. Because of a few seconds, I will never be the same. I will forever, in my mind, be damaged, be less than okay, be a victim.” –Anonymous
109 seconds. In the time that it will take you to finish reading this article, someone will have been sexually assaulted.
It can happen anywhere, anytime. It can be by a complete stranger, a family member, or a friend. It can happen to you, to your best friend, or to a classmate. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you're from. It happens and it doesn’t discriminate.
I could sit here all day and write about statistics. But at the end of the day, those are just numbers. A number doesn't hurt you as much as it would if it were the friendly girl living in your dorm, your little brother or sister, or anyone else you may have come into contact with. Before, it was widely unaccepted to talk about sexual assault.
It wasn't how it is now, where people are feeling more and more comfortable with sharing their stories. With cases like the People of the State of California v. Brock Allen Turner, we can see that there is change. However, the fact of the matter remains that a majority of sexual assaults go unreported, and even fewer people are actually being tried and convicted for their actions.
Why is this? One of the largest reasons is that as a society, we still don’t understand the definition of sexual assault and all that it encompasses. The United States Department of Justice defines it as, “any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape”.
Yet, even with definitions such as these, we run into things as horrifying as this:
We teach women how to dress appropriately so that they are not raped instead of teaching men to ask for consent. We see images on TV of a rape being a violent attack by a stranger in an alley as opposed to the reality that it can happen anywhere, anytime, by someone you probably know.
We have created a gray area where there shouldn’t be. There is confusion on a topic that is black and white. There should be no second guessing in the eyes of the law, in the technicalities, in any of it.
People will tell you they know exactly how you feel, and those are the nice ones. But the truth is that no one will ever know exactly how you feel. They may have their own trauma and their own story, but every sexual assault is different and the affect that it has on the survivor will vary from case to case. I think this is the hardest concept to grasp about rape and other assaults. It’s the fact that although you are not alone under the umbrella of all that sexual assault encompasses, your experience and your trauma will always be something that only you understand. However, this is your voice and your story. The way that we eliminate the gray area is to keep the conversation going. It’s to share our experience in order to help someone else find the courage to share theirs. It’s to educate one another so that we can rid ourselves of this sickness that is sweeping our country. It’s to use our voices for the greater good.
Always remember that you are not alone. Remember that you are strong, loved, and important. Remember that it wasn’t your fault. You are not a victim, you are a survivor. You now have a voice in the conversation to eliminate the gray area, use it.
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
