If you know one thing about me, you know I overthink A LOT. I overthink every possible situation and every outcome without thinking of the present. It comes at a cost; whether it be losing out on opportunities to go out, failing relationships, or pondering every single move, my overthinking wants to strike at any moment it can.

Forbes quotes overthinking as follows:

Thinking too much about things isn’t just a nuisance. It can take a serious toll on your well-being. Research says dwelling on your shortcomings, mistakes, and problems increases your risk of mental health problems. And as your mental health declines, your tendency to ruminate increases, which can lead to a vicious cycle that is hard to break. Studies also show that overthinking leads to serious emotional distress. To escape that distress, many over-thinkers resort to unhealthy coping strategies, such as alcohol or food. If you’re an over-thinker you likely already know you can’t sleep when your mind won’t shut off. Studies confirm this, finding that rumination and worry lead to fewer hours of sleep and poorer sleep quality.

In a way, this quote is absolutely true. Each element of this quote is true for me. There are hours I have sleeplessness. There are days that all I do is dwell on the past. While I do not result to unhealthy actions, the cycle is hard to break.

For me, it is an inner duel between being calm and collected and being a David against a Goliath (overthinking being the Goliath). I fight extremely hard and I am not perfect at it. I mostly struggle with my duel. I say things, then I ponder the worst, like how people will react or if people further judge me for what I say or how I act.

I overthink the smallest of things. I'll overthink not going with someone to an event. I'll overthink a conversation, thinking I'll be mocked. I'll overthink choices I made, worried that I'll be mocked. I'll overthink an imperfection or a struggle, worried that it'll haunt me forever. Resulting from these is an incapability to let go of the past and a constant worry for the future.

One thing I do know is I am not alone in this eternal struggle. For me, it is important that I have my friends who understand me, although my overthinking always issues the challenge that it will drive them away. My constant fret of worry will kill me, cause sleeplessness, cause me to get flustered, and include a chance of messing something up. It drives people insane and there is always a need for reassurance.

So, what do I mean by the title: dueling with the inner overthinker? Well, I believe that overthinking is the worst part of anxiety. Anxiety can be like a fencing match; you may think you can grasp a handle of it, but it will try to outsmart you at every turn. A fencer will try anything to score points against you, but the thing is, it can overpower you and you lose the fencing match.

So, in order to overcome it, the common advice is you need to practice the art of diversion. But the overthinking mind will try every turn to make you think otherwise. And as for the overthinker, you can try your hardest and you may want to give in. Don't. For the overthinking ability can be suspended for a while. Just remember you can fight it. Just fight every day and you can outsmart it. Take it from the overthinker.