I was in a sorority for two years.

Like many freshman girls who are starting their first college experience, I decided to go through formal recruitment. I was never the sorority type of girl to begin with and, honestly, I never became one. I tried to force myself into this round hole, but I was definitely a square peg. The rounds of recruitment were excruciating. They were long, awkward, and ridiculously fake. I understand the whole "make a good first impression thing," but this was overkill. I finally found one girl who seemed to be down to earth and I actually really enjoyed what the sorority stood for. Their philanthropy was close to home. So, when the time came, I signed my life away to Delta Gamma. Bid day was fun and I was legitimately excited. I wanted to love it and, for a while, I really did.

A few months in and I received my big. The one girl throughout the entire recruitment process who I clicked with was finally my big. I was part of a group of triplets, so I had a giant family and I loved everyone in it. I was having a great time. I was genuinely excited to be a part of this group of girls and I felt like I had a bunch of friends who were in my corner.

It wasn't until the second semester of my freshman year that I started to notice that most of these people who I called my "sisters" didn't even know my name. I didn't have a lot in common with the other girls and balancing going to several rehearsals a week (I am a theatre major) with all of the mandatory events for DG was beginning to weigh on my mental stability. I started skipping out on the social aspects of DG because I needed some alone time and all of the required events were taking up all of the time that I had. So, I started to fall behind in the "friendship" part. I rarely went out and that was a big no-no. I missed a lot and I no longer felt like part of the group.

For the second year of school, I was going to live in one of the nicest dorms on campus with a really good friend of mine from freshman year. It was all set and I was so excited, until I got pulled into a meeting with the board of the sorority. They told me that they hadn't filled the floor for next year and if I didn't fill one of the spots, then everyone was going to have to pay an extra $300. So here I was, being basically blackmailed into taking the spot. I didn't want to because none of the people who were living there were what I would call "friends." So, I did it. I moved onto the floor and lived with girls who barely knew me.

I wanted to drop then. I hated it. I felt so out of place and I knew that these girls didn't want me around. This was nothing against the organization itself. Delta Gamma has been amazing for so many people, just not me. I felt this way until recruitment came around again and I met the girl who I would soon call my little. She was perfect. She was exactly who i imagined as my little. She was a smaller version of myself. We had the same taste in music, movies, and junk food. She was my best friend and it was a match made in heaven. Right then, I decided to make the most of Delta Gamma because she was worth it. So I stayed. I never thought about dropping out again. My little and I had a blast for the first semester. She was my favorite person.

During the spring semester, I started going through some personal problems on top of being in three shows at one time. I stopped hanging out as much and I couldn't really find a lot of time to text either, so we drifted apart. She was still my best friend and I still always wanted to talk to her, but things changed. Time changes things. She got angry. She got mad that I couldn't devote time to her. I was mad too. I wished that I had more time in the day to devote. Both my little and my big were enraged at me. My big even stated that she never thought that we were friends. I realized quickly that the only reason that I was still in Delta Gamma was for my little, who was mad at me, too.

I made a decision then to do something for myself. IT wasn't for my little and it wasn't for my big. It was for no one else but myself. I decided to drop out. At first, my little and my big both blew up on me. They were angry and hurt and I get it, but I don't think that they noticed that I was also hurting. I hated the sorority. I felt out of place and now the only person who actually made me enjoy it was fighting with me at every chance that she got.

I'm so much happier now. I never belonged in that group. I was never going to be a sorority girl, but I am thankful that the experience brought me my little. I'm sorry that this decision hurt her. I'm sorry that we aren't as close anymore. However, just because we don't share the same letters anymore, it doesn't mean that I don't care about her the same way that I did before.