It’s that time of year again...
Yep, that’s right, time to go back to school. Back to getting up early, going to classes (some of which you don’t really want to go in the first place), and if you're going back to college, doing your own laundry again.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love school. I am one of those rare few who absolutely cannot wait to get back to school. I love every part of it: the reading, the writing, and, as weird as it might sound, the tests. I even love shopping for school supplies. It is possibly my favorite thing to shop for (besides coffee mugs).
So with this love of school and my eagerness to get back to learning, you would think I would love to talk about school with people who ask about it. I’m sure you have been asked all these same questions, as a new or returning college student: "Where do you go to school?", "How do you like it there?" and "What's your major?" Then, the most dreaded question of all time would come: "What do you want to do with that?"
This question has always eluded me. One of the most straightforward questions of all time, and yet, it is one of the hardest to answer. At least, it is for me, and I am hoping someone else out there is in the same boat. As you can probably guess, I, being someone who loves school and learning, also love to have the answer, especially the right one. In the past, I've been able to give an answer to this question, saying I'm going to be doing something I could completely see myself doing. But lately, I have not been giving an answer, at least, not a good one. I have been saying “I’m not sure” or “I don't really know yet”. I wouldn't expect anyone to understand how much it kills me to say that. I always need to have a plan, and I always need to know what I am going to do next. Not knowing is scary, and, honestly, I don't like it.
Over the summer, this fact became increasingly true and unavoidable: I can’t have complete control of my life because in order to succeed and to get wherever I am going, I have to give it all to Jesus. And with what little "control" I still have, I choose to trust completely in Christ and His plans. I say “control” because I can either fight God’s plan and make my own or give it all to Him. Some may say it’s crazy, but I also hear those cheering me on as I realize and put into practice what they have found to be so fruitful all along. I can say I feel so much better after giving Christ control in my life. I never knew how much my need for control controlled me, and I am so thankful He reached out and showed me more of who He is.
Giving it all to Jesus has not been easy. God keeps showing me places where I’m not giving Him control. But day by day, He gives me grace and strength to get one step closer to where He wants me to be, where He designed me to be. I still don’t know where I’m going. I still look ahead in my life and see blurry pictures of my future. However, I'm learning not to look directly in front of me but rather look beside me, to Jesus who is leading me on.