I Downloaded Tinder And Bumble, But I Really Just Lost My Sanity

I Downloaded Tinder And Bumble, But I Really Just Lost My Sanity

Dating apps can become monotonous and not something you want
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The dating apps, more specifically Tinder and Bumble, have millions of college students, middle-aged people, and even high schoolers at its mercy.

It’s a place to meet people, but it’s also a place to just feel worse about yourself. Tinder is the leading dating app on phones, but Tinder is also a cesspool of insecure people, fake profiles, and many many many viruses. The tinder media is now crawling with women and men who are either looking to hook up (or as they call it “see where things go”), sell drugs, or they’re just plain bored. There are very few who are looking for a relationship.

However, before I begin, I met my current boyfriend on Tinder over a year ago, but we’ve only been dating two months. Tinder is something that provided me with the friends and relationships I have now, but it’s also provided me with several terrible experiences. I can’t belittle tinder and bumble users because I was one for about two years before I decided I had enough.

I downloaded Tinder when I was a senior in high school out of curiosity. Everyone had it, why not? I was already a shy 18-year-old, but I stopped using it when I started dating my boyfriend at the time, who I dated until my second semester of college. Tinder then became a liberation. When I was out of that relationship, I dove into tinder. I was on my own at college, I could do whatever I want when I wanted. No one was there to stop me. That was the most naïve thought that came into my head. It wasn’t until I met my current boyfriend, that I realized what I was doing. I met him first. He was the sweetest thing and wanted a relationship, but to me, he just wanted to sleep with me, so he didn’t want any part of it. That’s what tinder was right?

A guy would send me some cheesy pick-up line, say some cute nerdy things, but then leave as soon as I wouldn’t send nudes or sleep with him. He would call me a ‘whore’ and say some worse things to make himself feel better that he got rejected.

I just thought that’s how it went all the time.

Wrong.

It took me a year to realize that my boyfriend now, wasn’t like those guys on Tinder because I was used to being treated that way.

Some guys are like that, yes, but Tinder is full of nice guys that genuinely want something, but it’s Tinder, so they’ll never be taken seriously. I treated guys like they were all the same and missed out on some pretty amazing opportunities. It got to the point where all the nice guys were gone, and the tables turned on me.

I was left with guys who either wanted to date-rape me (which almost happened had I not caught it), genuine assholes looking to belittle women, or boys who couldn’t hold a conversation to save their life. It was the same thing constantly. I would be messaged a cheesy opener, we would talk for a couple days at most, but then either one of us would lose interest or we would never have anything to talk about. The monotonicity of it all drove me crazy. Once I got to this point, I downloaded Bumble. Bumble wasn’t any better.

Bumble is like tinder, but the girl must make the first move within 24 hours or the match disappears. For guys, this was okay, but for girls, it was so nerve-wracking. What do I say? Something clever? Cute? What if I say something cheesy and he thinks I’m a total weenie? Yeah, kind of awful. I was over it within 24 hours because I was so used to the ‘guys messaging me first’ façade that I wasn’t interested in it switching. I’m not saying it’s because guys must do all the work on Tinder. It was that my genuine interest was never fully there. I was just using Tinder and Bumble to waste time and ignore the problems I had. I’ve made so many mistakes because of these apps, but I also made some great friendships. It’s hard to go about these apps because there are some genuine people out there just trying out the app, but caution is advised.

As researchers have said, many men and women who use tinder are mainly insecure about themselves. However, that’s not completely true since I have met some real grade A douchebags. I get it. It’s hard to start a conversation with someone in person first off. On tinder, it’s very easy. You list out your interests, your likes, dislikes, and what you look like. This way, if the other looking at your profile likes what they see, then it’s a match. This is the dangerous parts. I’ve had many experiences where certain guys didn’t look anything like their pictures because they used pictures from 6 years ago and has never been updated.

Society now makes it so simple to hide behind a screen in your own bed, which sounds nice, but it's draining the romance of things. As Kaitlin Pastor wrote an inspiring article called “Millennials Have Adopted A Culture Of ‘Un-Dating’ And Frankly, It Needs To Stop.” In this article she writes:

“Instead of asking a girl on a date, we get asked to “hang out”. Instead of dating, people are “talking” (does anyone even know how to clarify what that means, because it’s still beyond me). Instead of chivalry, people have begun “ghosting”. Instead of being straightforward with your intentions, you get people caught up in deciphering “mixed signals” and being too afraid to ask what their significant other wants out of the arrangement.”

Tinder and Bumble are mixed into the whole “ghosting” situation because Tinder is like a fantasy world and people think they can quit anytime. Which they can, but they also hurt people in the process and it’s just a world where you’re putting everything at risk.

Like I said, I met my boyfriend on Tinder so I can't say much, but he and I also worked for our relationship. We didn’t jump into it at the first second like many people think they should do. It took us more than a year to get to where we are now because we worked for it and tried not to give up. Tinder and Bumble made me lose my sanity and I don’t ever plan on going back.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Thank You To The Person Who Made Me Feel Like I Wasn't Enough

Because you hurt me, I'm happier than ever.
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To the person who made me feel like I wasn't enough—thank you.

Thank you for always making me feel like I had to try harder. You taught me how to never give up. I needed you, or I thought I did, so I fought and fought for you even when I was well past the point where I should have given up. But I never did. So you showed me just how far I can push myself before breaking. For that, thank you again.

Thank you for fighting with me. Because you fought with me, I learned how to better pick my battles. That's so important to know in life. Battles that aren't fought aren't lost; they're just not worth the fight. Since you, I've become more level-headed and understanding. I'm more mature about issues, and believe it or not, sometimes I'm actually right. So thank you for showing me that not every fight is worth it.

Thank you for the good times. When it was good, it was great. But when it was bad, it was awful. It can't be denied that we had a good time whenever we were together. The laughs, inside jokes and planning our future. It got me prepared for my life now. It helped me realize that I can share so much about my life with someone. It gave me the confidence to fully be me with my new relationship, and he accepts that. Thank you for allowing someone else to experience my life with me.

Thank you for letting me love you. Loving you was emotionally exhausting. I loved and loved and loved, hoping that maybe one day you would return it all, and you never did. But since I loved you with all I had, it proved to me that someone someday would be able to return it. I love better now, with no limitations; just freely, because I finally found someone to return it. You loved me when I was mad at you, when you needed me for something or when you were guilty. It was never just about us. Thank you for showing me what love isn't about. Because of that, I can love my person endlessly.

Thank you for cheating on me. Whoa, never thought I would write that sentence. You hurt yourself, and of course, you hurt me, but you made me strong. The sentence always replays in my head: "I cheated on you; I don't deserve you, but you will find someone who does."

You were right. You do not and never did deserve me. And you were right again—I did find someone who does. Because of you, I'm not as weak. I don't break as easily. And I stand up for myself now. Yes, you made me insecure because somebody I invested over a year of my life into threw it all away without good reason. But I'm so thankful you did. I had to learn to get up and love myself. I had to have the strength to smile through the pain. Since then, I couldn't be happier. I learned to love myself, and in the process found someone who loves me more than that. He sees my flaws and loves me anyway. He understands me. He accepts me for who I am.

If it wasn't for you, I would have never experienced hurt. But if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be where I am today. Thank you for making me. I loved the idea of who I thought you were, but I could never really love you. I planned a future in my head and tried to fit you into it, but you were too scared of commitment. All I had to realize the whole time was that God had already planned my future, and it was without you. He gave me the person my future was planned around. And strangely, it looks a lot like the one I had planned in my head ... except in this one I'm smiling.

Cover Image Credit: Summer Gordon

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Newsflash! It's Time For Everybody To Love Everybody

Come on, people, get it together.

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I, personally, think it's time for everybody to just start loving each other. Now listen, this doesn't mean you need to actually love everyone, but at least accept them. Acceptance is the closest thing we are gonna get to loving each other.

Let me tell you a little something: politics at the moment are very messy. No matter which side it is, it's messy. There is no denying that. If you try to deny that, then good for you, you're not helping anybody. If you really want some change, you need to start being the bigger person. Change isn't about who can yell about something louder or who has the "better" argument, it's about being respectful.

Just because someone has an opposing view does not mean you need to yell at them. Does yelling solve anything ever? Maybe temporarily, like for 2 minutes, but that's about as long as you're gonna get. There's absolutely no need to indirectly say something about certain individuals on social media. Yes, there is freedom of speech, but everybody should keep in mind why they have that right and why they still have it.

I do not understand why it is so hard to be respectful of one another. If someone goes after another person talking about how absolutely terrible it is of them thinking something should be illegal, the person who's being yelled at should respectfully ignore the other individual's disrespectful remarks. If the individual does not stop, then they are not aware that they are making no difference in the world.

What I'm trying to get at here is that in order to love each other, we really need to accept all our differences. If we really want change we need to go right to the sources, not just yell at each other from across the street. If everyone learned to accept each other, life would be a whole lot easier. Is this ever going to happen? Of course not. This is the solution though, whether you think so or not.

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