I Downloaded Tinder And Bumble, But I Really Just Lost My Sanity

I Downloaded Tinder And Bumble, But I Really Just Lost My Sanity

Dating apps can become monotonous and not something you want
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The dating apps, more specifically Tinder and Bumble, have millions of college students, middle-aged people, and even high schoolers at its mercy.

It’s a place to meet people, but it’s also a place to just feel worse about yourself. Tinder is the leading dating app on phones, but Tinder is also a cesspool of insecure people, fake profiles, and many many many viruses. The tinder media is now crawling with women and men who are either looking to hook up (or as they call it “see where things go”), sell drugs, or they’re just plain bored. There are very few who are looking for a relationship.

However, before I begin, I met my current boyfriend on Tinder over a year ago, but we’ve only been dating two months. Tinder is something that provided me with the friends and relationships I have now, but it’s also provided me with several terrible experiences. I can’t belittle tinder and bumble users because I was one for about two years before I decided I had enough.

I downloaded Tinder when I was a senior in high school out of curiosity. Everyone had it, why not? I was already a shy 18-year-old, but I stopped using it when I started dating my boyfriend at the time, who I dated until my second semester of college. Tinder then became a liberation. When I was out of that relationship, I dove into tinder. I was on my own at college, I could do whatever I want when I wanted. No one was there to stop me. That was the most naïve thought that came into my head. It wasn’t until I met my current boyfriend, that I realized what I was doing. I met him first. He was the sweetest thing and wanted a relationship, but to me, he just wanted to sleep with me, so he didn’t want any part of it. That’s what tinder was right?

A guy would send me some cheesy pick-up line, say some cute nerdy things, but then leave as soon as I wouldn’t send nudes or sleep with him. He would call me a ‘whore’ and say some worse things to make himself feel better that he got rejected.

I just thought that’s how it went all the time.

Wrong.

It took me a year to realize that my boyfriend now, wasn’t like those guys on Tinder because I was used to being treated that way.

Some guys are like that, yes, but Tinder is full of nice guys that genuinely want something, but it’s Tinder, so they’ll never be taken seriously. I treated guys like they were all the same and missed out on some pretty amazing opportunities. It got to the point where all the nice guys were gone, and the tables turned on me.

I was left with guys who either wanted to date-rape me (which almost happened had I not caught it), genuine assholes looking to belittle women, or boys who couldn’t hold a conversation to save their life. It was the same thing constantly. I would be messaged a cheesy opener, we would talk for a couple days at most, but then either one of us would lose interest or we would never have anything to talk about. The monotonicity of it all drove me crazy. Once I got to this point, I downloaded Bumble. Bumble wasn’t any better.

Bumble is like tinder, but the girl must make the first move within 24 hours or the match disappears. For guys, this was okay, but for girls, it was so nerve-wracking. What do I say? Something clever? Cute? What if I say something cheesy and he thinks I’m a total weenie? Yeah, kind of awful. I was over it within 24 hours because I was so used to the ‘guys messaging me first’ façade that I wasn’t interested in it switching. I’m not saying it’s because guys must do all the work on Tinder. It was that my genuine interest was never fully there. I was just using Tinder and Bumble to waste time and ignore the problems I had. I’ve made so many mistakes because of these apps, but I also made some great friendships. It’s hard to go about these apps because there are some genuine people out there just trying out the app, but caution is advised.

As researchers have said, many men and women who use tinder are mainly insecure about themselves. However, that’s not completely true since I have met some real grade A douchebags. I get it. It’s hard to start a conversation with someone in person first off. On tinder, it’s very easy. You list out your interests, your likes, dislikes, and what you look like. This way, if the other looking at your profile likes what they see, then it’s a match. This is the dangerous parts. I’ve had many experiences where certain guys didn’t look anything like their pictures because they used pictures from 6 years ago and has never been updated.

Society now makes it so simple to hide behind a screen in your own bed, which sounds nice, but it's draining the romance of things. As Kaitlin Pastor wrote an inspiring article called “Millennials Have Adopted A Culture Of ‘Un-Dating’ And Frankly, It Needs To Stop.” In this article she writes:

“Instead of asking a girl on a date, we get asked to “hang out”. Instead of dating, people are “talking” (does anyone even know how to clarify what that means, because it’s still beyond me). Instead of chivalry, people have begun “ghosting”. Instead of being straightforward with your intentions, you get people caught up in deciphering “mixed signals” and being too afraid to ask what their significant other wants out of the arrangement.”

Tinder and Bumble are mixed into the whole “ghosting” situation because Tinder is like a fantasy world and people think they can quit anytime. Which they can, but they also hurt people in the process and it’s just a world where you’re putting everything at risk.

Like I said, I met my boyfriend on Tinder so I can't say much, but he and I also worked for our relationship. We didn’t jump into it at the first second like many people think they should do. It took us more than a year to get to where we are now because we worked for it and tried not to give up. Tinder and Bumble made me lose my sanity and I don’t ever plan on going back.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle – Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying.

What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense.

I've heard it all:

"He was cute, why didn't you like him?"

"You didn't even give him a chance!"

"You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous.

However, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.

I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well.

Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault.

If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention a girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs"

Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him.

If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking Snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it.

He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush.

Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling.

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5 Reasons Why I Don't Want Kids

Procreating. It's not for everyone.

dambro64
dambro64
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My cousin had a baby last August. She's absolutely beautiful and I love her to death, but she doesn't change my mind when it comes to wanting kids when I'm older. Truth is, I don't want kids. I'm sure everyone says this at some point in their life, and maybe I will change my mind in the future, but kids kind of freak me out.

Maybe I'm just not the most maternal person, but here's why having kids, at least for now, isn't on my bucket list.

1. Giving birth.

I know, I know, it's a beautiful thing, the miracle of life or whatever, but go watch a birthing video and then come tell me how beautiful it really is. Everything from a woman's water breaking, to actually giving birth just grosses me out, to be honest.

The thought of having to push something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon is just absolutely terrifying. I have a pretty average to above average pain tolerance, but no matter how well you can deal with pain, that shit is obviously not a pleasant experience.

2. The responsibility.

You have to do everything for babies, literally everything. Feed it, dress it, wash it, change it, put it to sleep, and you have to know what a baby wants when it wants it. If I had a baby and it started to cry, I would have no idea what to do. I know plenty of people say that once you have the baby, you automatically know which type of crying is for what need, but that makes no sense to me.

Do babies have different types of cries? How do you know which is which?

I consider myself a pretty responsible person when it comes time to be accountable for myself, but to be accountable for another life form?

I'll put it this way. I have two pet turtles. We got them when I was about twelve or so years old, and I remember being obsessed with them. That lasted for like maybe two weeks, and then I got bored with them, which meant I didn't take care of them. My parents did. Not the best analogy for obvious reasons, but I'm sure you understand what I'm trying to say. In other words, if I can barely take care of a pet, how would I ever be able to take care of a small human?

3. Kids are messy and loud.

Look, I'm not like a total clean freak or anything like that, but my mother definitely is. She used to disinfect sticks so my sister and I could roast marshmallows when we went camping for Girl Scouts. My point is, it's been drilled into my brain that everything has to be wiped down clean, and germs are not my friends.

I hate being around sick people; they freak me out, especially since I get sick so easily. If my baby or child were to get sick, I'd obviously still have to take care of it, which means wiping snot, cleaning vomit, and getting coughed on. I guarantee you, as soon as my child were to get better, I'd get sick.

Don't even get me started on changing dirty diapers.

Also, if there's anything I've learned from my cousin's baby thus far, it's that babies put everything in their mouths. Any object on the ground, their hands, and feet; nothing is safe. Babies don't understand sanitation, so it's not their fault, but I just know that if I had a kid, it would be in a plastic bubble so it could remain as clean as possible.

Babies are also very loud. Back when I worked at a diner, we used to have customers with little kids and babies all the time. If the kid was unhappy for any reason, that child would scream its head off. I never understood how such a big noise could come from such a small human.

4. Kids are expensive AF.

Kids are not cheap. They have an entire laundry list of stuff that needs to be bought for them, and they run out of supplies frequently. I can't imagine how much money people spend on things like diapers, formula, and clothes. Speaking of clothes, babies grow out things quickly. You get one or two good uses of an outfit and that's it. They outgrow it, and they can no longer use it.

Then, as they get older, you've got to think about school, eventually college, and extracurricular activities that they want to do, gifts for Christmas and other holidays. I say all of this, realizing how much my own parents have spent on me and my siblings (thanks, Mom and Dad).

5. Raising kids looks hard.

Knowing how much my sisters and I were pains in the asses for my parents, I can't imagine having to deal with that crap myself. The whole idea of shaping a child into a fully functioning member of society with good morals and conscience sounds like a lot of work.

There have been so many times where I would be at work and I'd have to deal with customers that have their kids with them, and these children are the biggest brats I've ever seen. Rude, disrespectful, obnoxious or disruptive; just the opposite of how kids should act in any public setting.

A big part of the reason I wouldn't want kids is that I see other people's kids and the way they act. It makes me just want to yell at the parents. At least I know that if I do ever decide to have kids, they'll be raised the way I want them to be and they'll behave the way they're supposed to. Appropriately.

In the big picture of things, whether or not you want kids is up to you. It's not meant for everyone and that's not the end of the world. I always get told that I don't mean it when I say I don't want kids, which isn't that big of a deal, but it can get annoying. In my opinion, if a person says they don't want kids, it's not because they think kids are like some evil being or anything like that. It's because they know their limits.

Growing a family is an amazing thing, but it's also different for everyone. No one should be judged for not liking or wanting to have kids. Everyone has different opinions. This one is just mine.

dambro64
dambro64

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