You're walking through the quad. Because every college has a quad. What college doesn't have a quad? It's your freshman year and you couldn't be more confident. Screw all the naysayers and haters from high school who bashed your vintage 1982 Mercedes that you rocked instead of their ultra-trite mustang. You've got a clean slate on your side and liberal political view, and fresh trousers to boot. Then you stop. That goofy grin on your face disappears. You've spotted the most beautiful person on campus. Your medulla oblongata blows a fuse for a split second, and that thing in your chest fueled by Cook Out and Krispy Kreme short-circuits. There goes your new partner. Now you just have to end up in the same class or be friends with one of their friends or drunkenly stumble into them at a party — but not sloppily. You would do it in more of a cute, coy way. You've got four years to build a rock solid, kick-ass, "take it home to your parents" relationship.
Now fast forward to senior year. You've aged six years in four, and you couldn't care less about, well, everything. You're munching on a cold piece of food while you slink along to your next class. Boom. You curse your brain for seeing this person. They're beautiful. You've seen them around. You even spilled a drink on their sleeve at a bar, and they didn't shun you for it. That would be your next partner. Except you've done the math, and there's no way in hell it's going to work — and why? Because success after college dating is largely a myth, and anyone who denies it is not willing to study the facts.
In today's high-powered, middle finger-bearing society, it's all about taking care of yourself. Forget the next guy, screw living in your hometown. Go where the money is or where the best job is. And relationships are no exception. There are tons of factors that go into a successful relationship, and finding the pitfalls will make one's head spin.
Just a few points that may come up when trying to make it work.
1. Age
2. Location
3. Career/academic standing
4. Aspirations
5. The timeline
All the above factors come into play at one point or another. Someone wants to move; someone's graduating; someone's too young or too old; you're at "different points in your life" — or someone smells weird. But the one factor that kills all young dating, especially in college, is the timeline.
She's barely in college; you're about to leave. He's moving to another state; you've still got a year to go. She lives 3,000 miles away and is a freshman; you're a senior who will be traveling a lot for a career. It's the omnipotent nature of time. In order to stick it out with that college sweetheart there are only a couple options:
1. Marriage
2. Stick together like glue (roughly the same solution as marriage).
Creating attachment can be dangerous and costly. As someone's last year of school approaches, the couple can feel the relationship doomsday clock reach midnight. Graduation day seems to equate to breakup day. This is not to say dating in college is futile, but the thought process in the nascent stage of the relationship ship should be to take the relationship in stages — and not to tie the knot, assuming anything but time will break them up.
Time dictates every aspect of our lives, and resisting your own directions will leave you feeling unsatisfied. The pain of losing a partner brings fear, and the fear of the pain of nostalgia is even worse. It can lead to irrational thinking. Our resistance to this pain is so powerful that one day you could realize you've given up more than you've taken in for someone that could be "the one."
There's nothing wrong with committing. Just remember, there's other people out there, and any number of them could be what you're looking for. You just haven't gone there yet.
And when you do find them, the clock won't hit midnight.
