Here's the thing, I do care about you. A lot. A whole lot. But that doesn't mean I want to belong to you. As a young woman in her young twenties, I'm still adjusting to becoming an adult. I literally just grew out of living by my parents' rules, and now you want me to live by yours? I'll have to politely decline.
Right now, if I want to go out with my girls and dance with strangers, I can. If I want to hop on a plane and fly halfway across the world, I will. Obsess over a long-distance relationship and whether or not my boyfriend is cheating on me while I'm away? Now that's one thing I won't do.
Being in a relationship is a huge commitment, at least the kind I bother to be in. I don't date people for a couple weeks, or even a couple months at a time. Relationships are hard work and if I decide to put the effort it in it means I want something real. It means I think I'll be happier with you than without. I can count on one hand the amount of boyfriends I've had in my life, and I'm not trying to add another one anytime soon.
Right now is an amazing era of my life where I get to make my own rules and focus on what I want to do. Selfish? Maybe, but no matter how much I like you, I like me more. In fact, I think that's the most important thing to do right now; fall in love with myself. I need to make myself happy and become a strong, independent person on my own.
That's not to say all relationships are controlling or constricting. I know plenty of happy couples in healthy, supportive relationships that don't feel like they're sacrificing anything by being and "us" rather than an "I." That's just not what I want right now. I'm still struggling with my own emotional baggage; I'm not prepared to take on anyone else's. I'm not ready to be someone's shoulder to cry on or being their other half. My focus needs to be on making myself whole.
Of course, I hope to someday meet that special person I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I also hope it's not someday soon.
