I work at a restaurant, as a lot of college students do. Tonight was particularly slow, finally out of season. Some co-workers and I were standing around and small talking. A child, about three to four years old, starts yelling and screaming at a table nearby us. Personally, I have never been a huge fan of kids, blamed on my growing up with a largely adult presence in my life.
I cringed at the sound, albeit in an obvious manner. My co-worker, however, laughed and made a comment along the lines of, “Oh, I love kids, I can’t wait to have one.” This isn’t an unusual phrase for her, I usually seat her with kids at the table so she can coo at them.
I replied to her latest comment with an, “Eh, I’m not really a fan of kids.” This would be normal around other friends, it is nowhere near a secret that I have a disdain for kids. Suddenly, I got a chorus of alarmed gasps and people exploding with questions like, “Don’t you want to continue your family? Aren’t girls built to like kids?” And my favorite, “Doesn’t your mom want grandkids? I bet she’s disappointed.” These people, my coworkers and friends, were genuinely offended that I didn’t want children. They did not ask me why, or further questioned why I felt the way that I did.
Now, let me put out some disclaimers.
I have a wonderful relationship with my mother; she is my best friend and she is my role model. She knows children are not my thing, and is OK, more OK than apparently some others.
Yes, I did the middle school thing and babysat, but as soon as I could legally start working, I did. And I never looked back.
It is possible that I will change my mind sometime when I have my life more together. But not until I have a career and a dog I can cuddle with.
I do not want kids, plain and simple. I don’t not want kids because I want to be able to go out on a Wednesday night for the rest of my life. I don’t want kids because I can think of approximately 57 things I would want to buy more than diapers and baby formula. I don’t not want kids because that means a long term commitment, lifelong actually. I don’t want kids because right now I’m selfish, and I like having my time be my own. I don’t want kids because I want to travel to strange islands where I don’t speak the language and move across the country to pursue a dream job. That’s a lot harder if I have to have three more suitcases for another human being versus a single bag for myself. I am not alone in this thinking by any means, it is actually a popular thought among many millennials.
As millennials are growing up, more and more are choosing to pursue careers and adventures before starting a family. The median age for marriage and starting a family is at an all-time high, 27 for women and 29 for men. At the same time, the number of women who plan to have a child has dropped from 78 percent to 42 percent in just twenty years. For some, it is the threat of debt after their college degrees, and some like me where it is not an innate desire.
I know I will change, I know that I will evolve and my mind will grow and morph. I know that adoption and fostering is an option. I know that it is possible that one day I will wake up and my clock will be ticking, but that is not today, and for today, the sound of a child yelling brings me about as much joy as finding a spider in my bed. But you do you. Don’t gasp when I say that I don’t want to carry another human being for nine months, care intently for 18 years or hold responsibility for many more years than that. In the meantime, nod, hold your disapproval and help me plan my vacation to the keys or apply to grad school.
