I have never really been the kind of girl who is “baby crazy.” Even when I was little, I was playing with G.I. Joe's instead of baby dolls, so by definition, I was a tomboy. I knew something was different about me when in sex ed., all the girls were cooing about a newborn baby and I couldn’t get over it being covered in after-birth. To put things plain and simple, I didn’t and don’t want kids.
I like to think of myself as a practical person. Yes, the world needs people to have children, but when you hear about “19 Kids and Counting,” it becomes a little clearer that if I decide not to have kids, the world would continue to spin. On top of that, there are countless children in America and overseas who are in foster homes and orphanages. These children need a home and need a loving family. Would it be so terrible to adopt a child? Believe it or not, yes.
I have made my opinion public a few times, only to be shut down by men and surprisingly, women. Men have called me less than a woman for not wanting to have kids. After all, “Women only have one job and that is to procreate.” What about women who can’t have kids? Are they less of a woman because their body cannot carry a child? The answer is no. Then I have fellow women who call me a monster for not taking advantage of my God-given right. “What about all those women who cannot have children?” Infertility in anyone breaks my heart. I cannot imagine wanting so bad to do something, and then my body, not my spirit, being unable to do so. But this isn’t my fault and I shouldn't be punished.
Even though I shouldn’t have to, I will explain my reasoning for not wanting to have children, at least at this very second. To begin with, the very thought of giving birth terrifies me. For being a first-world country, America has an increasing percentage of maternal deaths and an incredibly high infant mortality rate for being a first world country. Losing my life is scary, and losing my child’s life is even more so.
On top of that, the very process of giving birth isn’t natural. When a woman is on her back, it does allow the doctor more access to see if there are any complications, but this leads to longer labor times and more susceptibility to complications. Also, if there are any unfavorable genetics in the genealogy, such as cancer or addiction, there is a chance the baby will inherit it. And that’s just my problems before giving birth.
When the baby is born, it is a whole new and scary world. The cost alone between clothes, diapers, formula, and medicine would deter anyone, and you support this child for a minimum of 18 years. After taking Developmental Psychology, I learned there were so many ways a child could suffer. Statistically speaking, if a baby is left alone crying too much, its brain will begin to think it has been abandoned and lead to trust issues in the future (take that, wives tales).
If the child successfully gets through childhood and into adolescence, there is the problem with other children. I was bullied mercilessly and thought many times to take my own life because the school wouldn’t stop my bullies and I was too frightened to tell my parents. I hid it so well that my parents had no idea the extent of my harassment, and I can’t imagine what pain they would go through if I had taken my life. Now, thinking that could happen to my child is a whole new nightmare.
I have an enormous amount of respect for women who are brave enough to go through the process of having a child. It is a learning process for every parent and no matter how hard you try, you can never be fully ready. But I have known so many people who treat children as accessories and not as human beings and it truly breaks my heart. Should I choose to become a mother, I know I will be a great one because I will love him or her with all my heart. However, if I choose not to have children or adopt, it is my business and not open for discussion.
