Everyone has someone that they can’t shake the “what if?” feeling for. What if we worked out? What if I changed? What if I tried harder? What if I waited?
When you love someone, it’s hard to see things clearly all the time. You’re always willing to fight for them, so when it comes down to the question of getting both feet in the door and they’re balking, you do anything to make them see that you’re worthy of commitment. If they say they want space or need time, you'll bend over backwards trying to give them space but prove your worth at the same time. At the time, it feels like the right thing to do. It feels like you’re attempting to achieve a task bigger than yourself—prove yourself to the person you love and live happily ever after.
Grand gestures equate to worthiness. Running to the airport to catch your sweetie before a cross-country move, announcing your love in front of a large audience, standing outside their window with a boombox. They want someone who is so afraid of losing them that they'll do anything to get their attention. Movies and the media have perpetuated the idea that if you can’t get someone to give you the attention that you want, you have to force yourself into their view by amazing them by your thoughtfulness, creativity, and expansive passion for them. "Just give me time" means "prove that you're worth it". But what if that’s not how love is supposed to work?
Never, under any circumstances, should you wait for someone.
Chances are, if someone truly cares for you, they would never make you beg for their attention. They would never tell you they need time to figure their head out because, newsflash: If the person you love thought you were truly worthy of commitment, they wouldn’t need time to figure out if that’s what they wanted. Everyone deserves someone who doesn’t have to think about whether they want to be with them or not. If they’re asking for time, deeply reconsider what the relationship may mean to them.
If someone is asking for time, it could mean that they’re weighing all their options and don’t want to be tied down. Do you really want someone who has to compare you to someone else to see who’s better? Who wants to make sure they’re not missing out on someone else because they chose you? If you’re someone second choice, leave. No one ever deserves to be an afterthought when so many people could make you their first priority.
They love you, but they’re making you battle for their attention—is that really love? They don’t realize (or care) how emotionally rigorous it is for you to constantly be begging for their attention. It’s humiliating and nerve-wracking and frustrating beyond end. Getting someone to agree to commitment shouldn’t feel like you’re going through the Relationship Olympics. It’s exhausting and hard on your heart and bad for your mind. Give it up and move on to someone who is eager to call you theirs.
If they’re asking you to wait, they could have already made their decision. It’s not easy to tell someone that you just don’t want them in that way anymore, and they might be asking for time in the hopes that you won’t wait forever. They don’t want the guilt of ending the relationship so they place the responsibility to pull the plug on your shoulders when they say they need time. You know what almost always happens when they say they need time? Nothing. They take the time and they run with it, literally. They keep you just interested enough so that you don’t believe that they’ve completely given up on you, but they stay aloof enough to create doubt and second thoughts in your mind. Don’t fall for it. Don’t give him the opportunity to make you look like a fool.
Relationships aren’t simple, but under no circumstances should they be that hard. If they’re unsure and you’re trying to change yourself in order to make yourself more palatable, something isn’t right. You deserve someone who sees everything you have to offer and meets your enthusiasm with just as much excitement. You deserve someone who doesn’t have to think about whether you’re worth it or not—because to the right person, you are. If they’re hesitant or wary or asking you to change or give them time, they’re not the one. I promise there are so many people out there who would treat you exactly the way you deserve.
Do not wait for anyone. You have so much to offer to someone who appreciates the hell out of you. Broaden your horizons and move on-- you’ll be better off because of it.
