Ever since I was small, I've always sweated the small stuff, especially when it comes to school. Fears of rejection made me keep to myself instead of trying to make friends. Fears of bringing B’s home from school instilled a fear and drive that still motivates me in my college career. In college, professors have called me a perfectionist. I am nonstop, and I fight and struggle to progress in my career and get the grades I get day in and day out.

However, whenever I would tell teachers, other students or my family about any fear or doubts that kept me up at night, the response I typically got starts with an eye roll and an exasperated, "You'll be fine. Don't worry."

Let's pause here really quick:

I come to you with a genuine concern about something that has been stressing me out, and your best response is don’t worry?

The sad thing is that the older I get, the more I seem to get this response.

But let me elaborate.

I know that this response comes with a genuine good intent. I know that because I have personal anxiety issues, trivial things can be a big deal to me, and others notice most of the time. And I admire the fact that they try to give me the validation that I crave to calm me down when it comes to the fears and doubts I have about myself.

I know that worrying constantly isn't good for me. I know that panicking before a test will be a detriment to my performance. I know worrying about major projects I’m working on for volunteer work or school wastes time. I know degrading myself over anything less than perfection is extremely harmful to my mental and physical health.

I know because when I make good progress with my mental health, I am completely unstoppable. When I can manage to stay completely calm during a test, I can get nothing less than a high A. I know because when I am calm and focused, I have insanely productive days. When I am confident in myself, there is nothing I can't do.

But my mental health is something I'm just beginning to work on, so I have as many bad days as good. My life and my career are just starting, so there are at times a lot of things I naturally worry about. There’s a lot of fears and doubts I have about myself and my future. Because of this, I have days when I feel hopeless. There are days I feel completely incompetent compared to my peers. There are days I can't force myself to do anything because I feel completely worthless.

“You'll be fine. Don’t worry,” just isn’t the appropriate response to the worries that keep filling my mind. Telling me to not worry brings me no comfort or salvation.

My fears and doubts, while small to you, are completely valid to me.

Telling me not to worry is also quite a passive response because it suggests that I can just put my feelings to the side. It suggests I don’t need to put as much focus into the situation that is worrying me. Suggesting that the situation that I'm in will work out in my favor is useless when I simply can't see how that would happen no matter how hard I try. It suggests I'm silly for overreacting. I know for a fact I do sometimes, but you’re not helping.

However, if you’d like to really help, just ask me how and I'll tell you. I think it's really underestimated just how much reaching out a hand to those who are really frustrated and stressed about something can help. And if you can’t help, simply point the person in the direction of someone or something that can.

It takes a step away from the sympathetic "you'll do fine" and “everything will work out" to the empathetic notion of actually helping someone complete an action. Because I won't feel better by being told things will improve; I like to actually see with my own eyes that things will work out in my favor.