"Why do you withdraw yourself? It just pushes people away." Yeah. Okay. Sure. It also protects you. By building up your walls, you keep yourself safe. By withdrawing yourself you are building up your walls so that you can keep people out and keep yourself safe.
Life throws things your way. Friends leave for one reason or another. Family can betray you. People leave and break promises, and it hurts like hell. So after so many times you build up your armor. You build your walls higher and higher each time you get hurt, to keep yourself safe.
People will tell you that you are driving others away, but if they haven't been hurt as much as you, they won't understand. No one truly understands until they experience the pain and endless heartache that comes from being the person that is easily forgotten. Being the friend that people always leave behind. It isn't easy, and it isn't fun.
Your walls keep you safe, by keeping others out. But that also means you are not experiencing things on the outside of the wall. But if you are hurt so much then it doesn't matter whats on the outside, what matters is that you're safe on the inside. Not getting hurt anymore.
However, there will be people who make it past your walls. Perhaps they climb your wall, or maybe they found a weak spot. Somehow they get past, and you set down your shield and take off your chainmail, and let yourself feel. Its hard not to feel terrified to let them in, but its good to let them see you and truly experience you.
But at the first sign of trouble, at the first glimpse of the inevitable end, those shields and walls come flying up. You start to feel as though you will be hurt again, so you defend yourself at full force. This may keep you from getting hurt, but it brings everything to a very sudden end.
It is very important to try to let yourself feel. Let people in, and don't shut them out. If you never want to get hurt again, are you ever going to feel anything again? You have to feel all emotions in order to feel anything at all. Don't live without emotions.
