Last week, I read this article after my friend Danielle shared it on Facebook. She had expressed extreme distaste about the content of the article, but the title of it seemed very satirical to me.

The title of the article is “Date Someone Who Treats You Like Shit.”

I opened the article and read it very diligently. The author goes on to say that everyone should be in a relationship at least once in their life with someone who treats them absolutely horrible because when you leave the relationship, you become stronger and know what you want. In being in a shitty situation, you learn your standards.

The article was dead serious. My response?

Um, no.

My first gripe with this article is the fact that it insinuates that you need to be in a terrible relationship to find out what you want in a relationship. Now, I’ve never been with someone who treated me terribly. However, I know my standards. I know what I want in a man, in a relationship, in my future marriage. To me, it seems like basic common sense that someone would not want a significant other – boyfriend, girlfriend, or otherwise – who would treat them like the scum of the earth. Why would someone want to put themselves through that pain and torture just to learn about themselves? I can tell you right now that when your significant other is talking down to you, mentally/physically/emotionally abusing you, demeaning you and your actions, that is NOT a relationship to be in. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. To be in a relationship where someone is consistently undermining your worth is you undermining your own worth because you are allowing that person to do it.

Second, who is saying that these people will leave these harmful relationships? We have all heard it before; those who get with someone because they originally feel that this person is amazing. It gradually descends into abuse. Thinking it will get better, they stay. Before they know it, their significant other is in full on abuse mode, committing unspeakable acts one day and then promising to change the next. It’s a vicious cycle. People are shattered in these relationships; some people die in extremely abusive relationships. I know the author didn’t explicitly mention abuse, but this type of behavior is a red flag for abuse. When someone is consistently belittling you, demeaning you, undermining you, making you question your very existence, THAT IS ABUSE. That is the first signs of an abusive relationship that might not end well. People are afraid to leave because of circumstances beyond their control. Why in the world would you advocate for someone to potentially be in that situation?

Nobody needs to be treated like “shit” to find their standards of how they want to be treated. Life is a lesson learned through experience, and I understand that. Getting in a relationship that will literally make you hate your life is not an experience that anyone needs to have. It’s not a learning experience, it’s not a lesson, it’s a terrible situation that far too many people experience.

Every single good-hearted person on this planet deserves someone who will treasure them. They deserve someone who will love them, and cherish them, and treat them like the diamond they are. Nobody, and I repeat NOBODY, deserves to be in a relationship where they will be hurt.

You don’t need to be in a relationship with someone who treats you like shit. You need to be in a relationship with someone who loves you so much, you can’t understand why anyone would want anything different.