One of the worst things in the world is being hurt, forgotten, or betrayed by someone you love, so badly that it leads you to believe that you'll never be okay again.
Because you trusted them. You gave them your heart, told them your secrets, your fears and your insecurities. You let them see your weaknesses and your passion. You dedicated all your effort, all your energy, all your time, and your entire soul, to them.
And that was bold. That was so bold and so brave.
You willingly placed your tender heart in their hands, and they dropped it.
In September of 2015, I went to see Taylor Swift's 1989 tour, almost immediately following the worst breakup I've ever been through. The most destructive, devastating, blindsided end to something I had believed in for quite some time.
That was also the beginning of my senior year of high school, and I don't think there could've been a worse time to have to feel the things I felt. All too often throughout the following weeks, I found myself blaming myself for what had happened. I was constantly thinking about the things that I must have done wrong, or how less-than-enough I must have been to that person. I started blaming myself for allowing someone else to host my emotional fragility.
A Taylor Swift concert was the best possible place to be a few weeks later, given that she's the queen of writing breakup songs that help people to know that they are not alone in how they feel while going so far as to let them know how strong and worth it they are.
In the moments before she performed her solo, "Clean," Taylor went on one of her rants about emotion. Which to this day, I credit for a lot of how I view the concept of love. The song itself is about the healing process following heartbreak, and the significance of remaining optimistic regardless of what others do or say to you. I'll share it with you now.
"I think the worst part of heartbreak, is when you let someone into your life, you do all these wonderful things. Like, you trust them, and you let down your walls, and you show new things about yourself, maybe things that you were insecure about. And you were brave enough to do that, brave enough to be vulnerable, and then you lose that person, and you start to regret, and feel stupid and humiliated for doing all those wonderful things that you did that it took to let someone into your life. I feel like that's the first thing people feel when they feel heartbroken. They feel like 'God, I was so foolish, I was so stupid. I trusted too easily, I let my guard down too quickly. I should've played games. I should've been hard to reach, and instead I let this person in. I'm so stupid.' And I guess, I just want to tell you that letting someone in, trusting someone, being vulnerable, those things aren't stupid. They're brave. And I don't think you should ever stop doing those things. For as long as you live."
I share this not only because I think it has power, but because I want people to be able to experience things like blind faith and realize that they're worth more than the cruel things that can be said or done to hurt them, to test their strength of heart.
Please know that just because you've been hurt before doesn't mean you'll be hurt again. It doesn't mean you won't be, but you deserve peace of mind and to not have to live in fear of the influence others have on your life.
Let people love you. Trust them, believe in them. Give them benefit of the doubt. Nobody wants to live in the shadow of monsters. Nobody wants to have to be doubted for how powerfully they love, simply as a result of how poorly those before them have loved and lied.
Please do not let those who truly love you live in shadows.
Shadows are awfully dark places.
