Sometimes we are faced with things that plain suck. Forks in the road that force us to choose one way or the other, but most importantly: you may not go both ways. The only way to move on in times like these are to stay positive, accept change, cope with the outcome of the things we can not control, and most importantly, move forward.

After nearly 7 years of cheerleading, I had to quit yesterday. It broke my heart. I even teared up just writing that sentence. It's hard. Letting go of that chapter of my life is difficult, and I know I'm not the only person faced with the ultimatum of stop doing the thing you've been doing forever or face the risk of death. Well, shit.

I chose my life and my brain. I chose to have a future. And as dumb as it may sound, it was such a hard decision to make. On the outside looking in, you may think it might be dumb to be indecisive about staying in a sport that could damage your entire mental being or even kill you. But it's not dumb to me.

I visited Briar Cliff University in the fall of 2013 and decided to come here the following year, partially because they had strong English and Writing programs, but mostly because I was given the opportunity to keep cheering. Cheer in high school had treated me great. I met some of my best friends ever during cheer. I had fun and learned amazing things and became a better athlete.

I got my first concussion when I was 11 years old. Now, at 20, I have had 7 head injuries and a few jaw injuries that didn't help the cause. I started having migraines around the age of 14, and though they weren't very frequent, they were painful nonetheless.

Over the years, I got more and more head injuries. I dislocated my jaw in 2015 and it flipped a switch in my head and I began to get crippling migraines that would cause me to miss practice and class and to be sick all the time. I thought I got them under control with the help of a neurologist and a regime of medication and remedies.Then I got another head injury and jacked my jaw again. More migraines.

Upon returning for my Junior year of college, I realized that I wasn't learning anything. Nothing. I couldn't comprehend what I was reading in my textbooks and I kept forgetting to turn in assignments. I couldn't remember the most simple things. Me, the girl who always got straight As and had her shit together was falling apart.

I had been warned by doctors before of the symptoms of brain injury, but somehow I thought I was an exception to the rule. I was lucky, I was smart and healthy and I 'took care' of myself. But it didn't matter.

I spoke with teachers and my coach and trainers and went back to my neurologist per their request. I didn't think cheering would make a difference, but I was wrong. He said that I'm risking more than a bump on the head when I go into practice. He said even getting hit in the jaw can cut my brain off from the rest of my body. He reminded me how fragile my brain is and how easy it is to rack it against my skull. He recommended me to stop cheering altogether.

There, in my little examination room, after my doctor left, I silently made the decision to choose my future over my past of cheer. And I cried. I cried alone in my truck. I cried to my roommates. I cried to my coach and trainers and my teammates when I told them I would no longer be a cheerleader. I cried in my boyfriend's arms, and I'm crying again now.

To be clear: my brain stopped functioning properly because of the injuries I had sustained. Another bump on the noggin could kill me or permanently change the Kenzie that I am today.

Cheer isn't worth it anymore.

It's okay to cry about things like this, because it sucks. I was ignorant and never expected that I would have to give this up. Even Michael Jordan cried when he got cut from his high school team, so say fuck it and cry if you need to. But when you're done grieving, pick yourself back up and stay positive.

In twenty years, I will not have cheer, regardless of my health. I will have a writing career and my books. I will also have this one body I was given and I vow from now on that I will take care of it.

My plea to you is to listen to your body. If your head hurts or your knee is stopping you from running or something, get it checked out. If something doesn't seem right, it's probably not right. You're not weak for seeking any sort of help. Maybe if I'd listened to my body, I would still be excelling in school and a cheerleader at the same time. But now, at least I can be wise and tell you to do what I did not.

Here's to closing the chapter on 7 wonderful years of my favorite sport, and here's to starting the rest of my life.