Normally, the question of “who you are” warrants a simple answer -- your name, your ethnicity, your occupation. But lately, I’ve been struggling with my answer because the path I want my life to take is changing every day. I constantly ask myself, “What defines who I am and where I’m going?” I’m in an ever-rotating state of reflection, disappointment, effort, excitement, and emptiness. It seems like a negative, but the times when I’m feeling empty only motivate me to find things that fulfill me and to put effort into the things that make me happy rather than what benefits others. This constant case of uncertainty, brought on by my reaction to the trials I have recently faced have pushed me into a phase of self-examination, and what I’ve learned is that it’s okay to be lost because that’s when you find your true path.
From a very young age, I’ve always wanted others to view me as a respected, successful person. Until recently, I had a well-developed plan to achieve this goal, but the curveballs that life has thrown at me have forced me to find new ways to overcome challenges and find myself. My plan was always to be a classical musician because that is what I thought I was destined to do because I was good at it.
I put all of my effort for seven years into being a musician, and I completely forgot about exploring my other strengths to be a more well-rounded person. When it came time for college, I applied to music schools, got in, was offered a few scholarships, and moved to Nashville, the city where I want to spend the rest of my life, and then I realized halfway through the year I wanted more. I wanted to take classes in law, in history, and study Spanish. I wasn’t passionate about performing because I never had the experiences in other areas to teach me about what I really loved, rather than what I was just good at. So I decided to drop my major and come into college as undeclared. It was one of the scariest decisions of my entire life, because I didn’t know what I wanted, and I had always thought I knew that.
Through exploration, I started to see new paths for myself in many different directions. I knew that I wanted to have the best education I could, and to develop my talents in all areas, and I’ve been lucky enough to have both, but despite all that, I felt like something was missing; I missed music. Music, which taught me to appreciate diversity and art in more ways than I knew existed, and that to be successful, you have to live passionately. Without passion, there is no creativity and therefore, no environment in which to thrive and innovate.
I’ve finally found a way to bring my two loves together, which is to work on the business side of the entertainment industry. This way I can use my skills in law and business to cultivate what I’m so passionate about, and help artists navigate the complicated entertainment industry. Even in this realization, though, there is uncertainty, because I’m not sure what aspect of the industry I want to make my career in. I’m okay with this uncertainty, though because I know that it will eventually force me to find the things that make me happy, and then go after them.
For now, I know that things I can’t control have changed the path I once set for myself, and although I don’t know the detailed plan of what my life will hold, I do know that I am never going to be happy until I have lived successfully for my own satisfaction, not that of other people. Whether it is through being a lawyer, activist, singer, or entertainment businesswoman, if I live passionately, I know I will succeed in whatever I do. I want to empower other people, and especially other women, to do the same.
Music has taught me that the notes on the page are nothing until I make them my own, and life has taught me that uncertainty comes upon us all, but it motivates us to find what truly fulfills us.
