I have been a planner my entire life. I like to have almost every part of every day planned out. Even if I don't write it down or put it on my calendar, I am always making a schedule in my head of what time I am going to do my homework, eat, shower and so on. I like knowing exactly what is going on at every particular moment of every single day. It drives me absolutely insane when I have no idea what is coming next or even what the next few minutes may bring.
So the prospect of the future and the unknown scare me to death. I would love to see exactly what my life will look like once I graduate and become a real adult. So the only aspect that I can semi-control is what major I will have, so I know a general idea of what my future career will look like. I thought I knew what I wanted to study when I came to Simpson. I was going to study English and Journalism and I would look at education if I did not like English and Journalism. At orientation, I was told that if I was considering education that I needed to start right away. I assumed that since I needed to start those classes that being a teacher was what I was what God wanted me to do. I was ready to jump right in and was absolutely thrilled that I knew what I wanted to do. Once the semester started I loved my classes, I was already looking at what endorsements I wanted and I was very content with my choice.
This all changed when career services came and talked to one of my classes. It kind of got me thinking about my current path. Did I really want to be a teacher for the rest of my life? I decided that I didn't think I wanted to. It just didn't feel right. So I thought next semester I would try some different classes and see where it leads me. I think I might want to major in Public Relations and Management, but I am really unsure about what I want to do. I am choosing something completely different to study than what I originally planned and it scares me.
No matter how much it scares me, I have realized is it's okay to be unsure about my future and to not know what it holds. It is not me who is in charge of my future, it is God. He knows exactly what I am going to do, so I don't need to worry about what my future brings. I don't need to have my entire life planned out. I just need to trust in him and know that God has a plan far greater than my own.
On the days when I really struggle, because I am absolutely terrified of what the future brings, I take a deep breath and remind myself who is in control. It is okay to not know and to be unsure. I don't have it all together and that's why I need God. He will show me and open doors that will lead me in the direction I am supposed to go. While I don't know what will happen in the next few years, I know that his plan for my future is greater than I can ever imagine.
