I Don’t Know Who I Am And That’s Okay

I Don’t Know Who I Am And That’s Okay

Making myself happy was more worthwhile that defining who I am.

I have spent years putting high expectations on myself. I have spent years feeling like I had to live up to a potential that was not expected of me. I have spent years trying to be someone I simply was not. I spent years trying to figure out who I was when I really knew all along that I was comfortable not having that answer. I don’t know who I am and that’s okay.

Looking at everyone around me I felt that everyone had all the answers. Everyone was confident in who they were and what direction their life was headed. I struggled with that. Regardless of everyone else I always wanted to be the person who was well rounded in what I did but had fun whether I was working or not. Ultimately I wanted happiness.

What I was defining this as was what the people I was surrounding myself were doing. How successful were they in what they were pursuing. How they were progressing in their journey in comparison to me. I saw this through friends, family, and any family friends that my parents would talk about. Seeing others succeed while I still had no clue of who I was or what I wanted put a tremendous amount of pressure on me. It was hard enough to figure life out on my own without seeing other people that I knew becoming happy and successful.

I jumped into a major in school that I realize now was something I could have avoided doing. I don’t regret it. I choose not to regret it because there is a reason that pursuing that major was part of my journey. The major I chose was something that was the complete opposite of who I am and who I ever saw myself being. It was a challenge, a challenge I enjoyed taking on. Taking on the challenge in a way showed me that I have the capability to take a journey that may not be one I want to be on but if I needed to pursue it to survive I could. It soon became more than I could handle and I began to realize I was losing myself. I inevitably failed.

Deep down I knew what I wanted. I was too afraid to take risks. I didn’t have the confidence in myself to go after what I wanted. I realized I had attempted a route that would lead me to what I thought would be security. I realized the key to everything is happiness. I was anything but happy in what I was doing. Security is nice and is something that we all need but it doesn’t define our happiness.

I took failure and did the only thing I figured out that I could do with that. I pursued my own happiness. The one thing that I knew I wanted. I still had no clue who I was going to be in the end.

Defining myself puts me in a box. It puts me into a category of traits and stereotypes that I may not wholeheartedly agree with. Defining who I was became so unrealistic. Making myself happy was more worthwhile that defining who I was. In realizing what my happiness was I found security. I realized I had a support system of people who wanted me to be happy. That alone is security in itself.

With happiness came more realization. It began to sink in how so many of these people I felt that I was competing with or tried to live up to were anything but happy. They didn’t take the risk of going after what they wanted or needed for their happiness. I encourage everyone around me to go for what they want to do. Sometimes your gut instincts are the best way to go.

I still look at the people around me and have to say to myself “finally, seven years after graduating high school I am getting my Bachelor’s Degree.” A statement that could mean many things in many scenarios. When I’m having a bad day it is another reminder that I did not keep up with everyone else. Just another thing that everyone else has on me. But more often now I look at it a little different. That Bachelor’s Degree I will be receiving will be a piece of paper I worked my hardest at earning. One day I will have a job. What that job will be I have no clue, whatever it is I hope I am happy doing what I do. That job will lead me to money which I’ll buy a car, a house, and support a family on. I will have worked hard for it, but maybe not as hard as I have worked now.

After all of this it sounds like maybe I do know who I am. But really I don’t know. People will ask me what I am doing with my life, something that could define me and who I am. Honestly, even with a major and pursuing a goal I don’t know what I am doing. I can say that I am finally happy, I will continue to do what will make me happy and not let stupid things define myself. I don’t know who I am, nor do I need to know, and that’s okay.
Cover Image Credit: https://www.geckoandfly.com/

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5 Perks Of Having A Long-Distance Best Friend

The best kind of long-distance relationship.

Sometimes, people get annoyed when girls refer to multiple people as their "best friend," but they don't understand. We have different types of best friends. There's the going out together best friend, the see each other everyday best friend and the constant, low maintenance best friend.

While I'm lucky enough to have two out of the three at the same school as me, my "low maintenance" best friend goes to college six hours from Baton Rouge.

This type of friend is special because no matter how long you go without talking or seeing each other, you're always insanely close. Even though I miss her daily, having a long-distance best friend has its perks. Here are just a few of them...

1. Getting to see each other is a special event.

Sometimes when you see someone all the time, you take that person and their friendship for granted. When you don't get to see one of your favorite people very often, the times when you're together are truly appreciated.

2. You always have someone to give unbiased advice.

This person knows you best, but they probably don't know the people you're telling them about, so they can give you better advice than anyone else.

3. You always have someone to text and FaceTime.

While there may be hundreds of miles between you, they're also just a phone call away. You know they'll always be there for you even when they can't physically be there.

4. You can plan fun trips to visit each other.

When you can visit each other, you get to meet the people you've heard so much about and experience all the places they love. You get to have your own college experience and, sometimes, theirs, too.

5. You know they will always be a part of your life.

If you can survive going to school in different states, you've both proven that your friendship will last forever. You both care enough to make time for the other in the midst of exams, social events, and homework.

The long-distance best friend is a forever friend. While I wish I could see mine more, I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Cover Image Credit: Just For Laughs-Chicago

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Poetry On Odyssey: Some Days

A poem that reminds you that you're not alone.


Some days,

You dread the sound of your alarm. You snooze and snooze and snooze and snooze.

When you finally pull yourself out of bed, pressed time forces you to throw on stained sweats

you find yourself chugging a cup of coffee.

You sit on the couch and contemplate calling out of work

You caught the stomach bug,

Or perhaps the flu,

Maybe you broke your collar bone

Or need a new phone

The endless list of excuses repeats through your head as you sit on the couch, wishing you were still in bed.

It takes every ounce

Every breath

Every fiber of your being to pull yourself off the couch

And into the car

And into the building where you work

Some days,

This is just how it goes

You are not alone.

Some days,

You awake to the beautiful sound of birds

Chirping outside your window

The sun sneaks its way into your room

A smile creeps across your face as you realize you are awake to see a new day

You make a good breakfast

You read a few pages of your favorite book

You get your mind ready for the things it will accomplish today

Before you know it you've worked an entire day

Your job is done

As you pull into your driveway,

you take a few breaths

Feeling grateful for another meaningful day.

Some days,

This is how it goes

You are not alone.

Every day is a gamble,

Every day is a gift

The key to getting more good days

Is believing that everyday is one.

You are not alone, this is just how it goes.

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