I Don’t Know Who I Am And That’s Okay
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

I Don’t Know Who I Am And That’s Okay

Making myself happy was more worthwhile that defining who I am.

I Don’t Know Who I Am And That’s Okay

I have spent years putting high expectations on myself. I have spent years feeling like I had to live up to a potential that was not expected of me. I have spent years trying to be someone I simply was not. I spent years trying to figure out who I was when I really knew all along that I was comfortable not having that answer. I don’t know who I am and that’s okay.

Looking at everyone around me I felt that everyone had all the answers. Everyone was confident in who they were and what direction their life was headed. I struggled with that. Regardless of everyone else I always wanted to be the person who was well rounded in what I did but had fun whether I was working or not. Ultimately I wanted happiness.

What I was defining this as was what the people I was surrounding myself were doing. How successful were they in what they were pursuing. How they were progressing in their journey in comparison to me. I saw this through friends, family, and any family friends that my parents would talk about. Seeing others succeed while I still had no clue of who I was or what I wanted put a tremendous amount of pressure on me. It was hard enough to figure life out on my own without seeing other people that I knew becoming happy and successful.

I jumped into a major in school that I realize now was something I could have avoided doing. I don’t regret it. I choose not to regret it because there is a reason that pursuing that major was part of my journey. The major I chose was something that was the complete opposite of who I am and who I ever saw myself being. It was a challenge, a challenge I enjoyed taking on. Taking on the challenge in a way showed me that I have the capability to take a journey that may not be one I want to be on but if I needed to pursue it to survive I could. It soon became more than I could handle and I began to realize I was losing myself. I inevitably failed.

Deep down I knew what I wanted. I was too afraid to take risks. I didn’t have the confidence in myself to go after what I wanted. I realized I had attempted a route that would lead me to what I thought would be security. I realized the key to everything is happiness. I was anything but happy in what I was doing. Security is nice and is something that we all need but it doesn’t define our happiness.

I took failure and did the only thing I figured out that I could do with that. I pursued my own happiness. The one thing that I knew I wanted. I still had no clue who I was going to be in the end.

Defining myself puts me in a box. It puts me into a category of traits and stereotypes that I may not wholeheartedly agree with. Defining who I was became so unrealistic. Making myself happy was more worthwhile that defining who I was. In realizing what my happiness was I found security. I realized I had a support system of people who wanted me to be happy. That alone is security in itself.

With happiness came more realization. It began to sink in how so many of these people I felt that I was competing with or tried to live up to were anything but happy. They didn’t take the risk of going after what they wanted or needed for their happiness. I encourage everyone around me to go for what they want to do. Sometimes your gut instincts are the best way to go.

I still look at the people around me and have to say to myself “finally, seven years after graduating high school I am getting my Bachelor’s Degree.” A statement that could mean many things in many scenarios. When I’m having a bad day it is another reminder that I did not keep up with everyone else. Just another thing that everyone else has on me. But more often now I look at it a little different. That Bachelor’s Degree I will be receiving will be a piece of paper I worked my hardest at earning. One day I will have a job. What that job will be I have no clue, whatever it is I hope I am happy doing what I do. That job will lead me to money which I’ll buy a car, a house, and support a family on. I will have worked hard for it, but maybe not as hard as I have worked now.

After all of this it sounds like maybe I do know who I am. But really I don’t know. People will ask me what I am doing with my life, something that could define me and who I am. Honestly, even with a major and pursuing a goal I don’t know what I am doing. I can say that I am finally happy, I will continue to do what will make me happy and not let stupid things define myself. I don’t know who I am, nor do I need to know, and that’s okay.
Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Panic! At The Disco Announces Breakup After 19 Years

Band Makes Breakup Announcement Official: 'Will Be No More'

panic at the disco

It's the end of an era. Originally formed in 2004 by friends in Las Vegas, Panic! At The Disco is no more.

Brendon Urie announced on Instagram that the band will be coming to an end after the upcoming Europe tour. He said that he and his wife are expecting a baby, and the life change weighed heavily in his mind to come to this decision. "Sometimes a journey must end for a new one to begin," he said.

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

Top 3 Response Articles of This Week

Odyssey's response writer community is growing- read what our new writers have to say!


Each week, more response writers are joining the Odyssey community. We're excited to spotlight their voices on as they engage in constructive dialogue with our community. Here are the top three response articles of last week:

Keep Reading... Show less

To Mom

There are days when you just need your mom

To Mom

There really is no way to prepare yourself for the loss of someone. Imagine that someone being the one who carried you for 9th months in their belly, taught you how to walk, fought with you about little things that only a mother and daughter relationship could understand. You can have a countless number of father figures in your life, but really as my mom always said, " you only get one mom."

Keep Reading... Show less

The Way People In Society are Dating is Why I Don't Date

I need someone to show that they want me for me, not that they're using me to chase the idea of being in a relationship.

The Way People In Society are Dating is Why I Don't Date

You hear your phone go off. He's asking you to hang out. Then, of course, you get the advice of your friends to decipher this text. Is it just hanging out or is it more than hanging out? You've probably done this at least once in your life or at least seen a tweet where someone posted their screenshots with a potential love interest.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

Winter Break As Told By 'Friends'

Is a month at home too much to handle?


If you're anything like me, winter break is a much-needed light at the end of the tunnel after a long, stressful semester. Working hard for 15 weeks can really take a toll on a person mentally, physically AND emotionally. It's a nice change of pace to be back at home with your family and friends, but after a couple weeks, it can get, well... boring.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments