To Those Who Chose To Judge Me,
When you look at me what do you see? Do you see a girl who messed up her life just because she is pregnant by 21? Do you see a woman who is lazy because she isn’t working and just going to school? Do you see a fragile porcelain doll you can shatter with just a few choices of words? Do you see a girl who you can treat like trash and still expect her to stay quiet? Do you look at me and see I’m fat and ugly?
I can tell you I didn’t expect to get pregnant at 21 years old. It was something I didn’t think could happen due to medical reasons. One person accused me of planning it to ruin a graduation event. Just because you are not ready to accept your selfishness, you cannot force everyone else to suffer.
To the people who told me I am being lazy for not working while I am pregnant - I have medical reasons for not working. For the first trimester with my son, I was dealing with a lot of complications. These complications were so severe, my son was given a 50/50 chance of survival. I was in the hospital many nights praying my son would be okay. I had to make the choice whether or not I wanted to lose my son. I had to make the choice to either keep working or quit my job, in order to give my son a better chance of survival. I am glad I made the choice to quit my full-time position because my son is doing much better and is now very healthy. His survival rate almost doubled after 3 weeks of quitting my job. I am going to school full time to give my son the best chance in life as I can. I am making sure he has what he needs before he arrives into this world because I am his mother.
For the people who choose to treat me like I am nothing — I AM something! You may not see it but I am a mother and a loving girlfriend. I am a student and a daughter. I am many things you choose to be blind to. I may not be the perfect "Barbie" at 5’6 and 130 pounds, but that’s okay with me. I was 5’1 and 230 pounds in high school. I dropped the weight in an unhealthy way. Before I found out I was pregnant with my son, I weighed 145 and was healthy again. I was eating, working out, and getting into a healthy mindset - after struggling with anorexia for almost 3 years. I am FINALLY at a strong stage of my recovery.
I am not one to keep my mouth shut if you decide to treat me like trash. I have been silenced most of my childhood. I will not allow anyone to treat me like that again. I was so used to just being seen and not heard, and if I was, all hell would break loose on me. Not anymore! I have a voice and I am not afraid to use it. I may be the kindest person you've ever met, but don’t take my kindness for granite or weakness.
Sincerely,
The Woman Who Grew A Voice
