I never really thought I was different. My entire childhood, I accepted that my father’s day projects at school were turned into grandfather’s day projects. I didn’t question why my mother and I lived with her parents. It didn’t bother me that I only had one set of grandparents, while all my friends talked about how they had two.

In middle school, my three closest friends all had amazing relationships with their fathers, and that’s when I started to find myself becoming jealous of those relationships. I love my grandfather and would never give up our close relationship for anything, but I think I always wanted his relationship AND my father’s.

Ever since then, I was always curious about what happened and why I didn’t have a dad in my life. Asking my mom wasn't something I could do, because I knew that would hurt her and I couldn’t do that. She basically gave up everything for me because of this, so asking was not an option. I did end up figuring it all out in high school, even to the point of knowing his name and some details about him, but I don’t want to make this about him.

Around this time, I started looking into how not having a dad in my life could affect me personally, because I didn’t think I was being too bothered by it. I read article after article, but realized that because I had my grandfather since the day I was born, I didn’t really fit the sketch of a girl without a dad. He took on that role for me, and I'm forever grateful.

The studies I read wrote that girls who grow up without a father are more likely to abuse drugs or alcohol. In high school, I would never drink, not even in my home when offered some wine or anything. I was too scared that I would somehow get addicted to alcohol. I also knew a lot of people who smoked weed, and even that was beyond scary for me.

Girls without fathers are more likely to be sexually promiscuous, so once again because of the fear of succumbing to this statistic, I refused to have sex in high school. I didn’t care that a lot of people I knew were, or that I might get made fun of. There is a higher risk of pregnancy in fatherless girls as well, and that was the last thing I wanted.

I wasn’t going to be a statistic.

I was raised to not misbehave, and I took that and ran with it. I remember reading all of this when I was a freshman in high school, and the article said sometimes girls without fathers experience early menstruation, which I kind of did. Early sixth grade. That scared me a lot, because I immediately thought that since I went through that, a lot of the other statistics would come true. I shouldn’t have had to live in any sort of anxiety that I would become a person like in the articles.

However, being in fear of becoming what was sort of expected me turned me into a pretty great girl, not to toot my own horn. Even when I was younger, I was super picky with who I would actually make my boyfriend, because if somehow I ended up marrying that person or having a child with them (whichever came first), my future children would not live like me. They would have a father.

I know my mom made a good decision in not forcing my dad to be in my life. She knew him and I didn’t, so no matter what I may feel or think about the situation and how I grew up, I wouldn’t change it. She did what was best for me. I know my father didn't want a part in my life, and it’s something I still struggle to accept. For a long time, I thought I wasn’t good enough for anyone.

He did that to me.

But what I realized more recently was that he didn’t even get to know me to decide if I was good enough or not. He made a bad decision and that’s on him, not me.

To anyone out there who has gone through this struggle, I’m right there with you. We are good enough. We are more than a statistic and always will be.