I have this vision in my head of my future self: pregnant, still teaching, in heels, wearing a tulle skirt as a dress, a glow surrounding me as I conquer work and pregnancy in the most beautiful way. (I've also probably figured out how to curl my hair by then.) But I can tell you right now, that is not going to be me. Even though I completely love children and wish to have a few of my own someday, I am so scared of pregnancy. I don't like feeling queasy. I am extremely squeamish so much so that I don't like cleaning up spiders that I have squished. I have to keep my eyes shut while having my blood drawn. Pain is not my thing, and I never want it to be. Darn Eve.
I am not one of those strong women who works out while she's on her period, or wears heels for longer than two hours, or gets two hours of sleep and then rocks it out at work. No, I love curling up in a ball. And that's my main response to many things: lack of sleep, dehydration, Mother Nature killing my body monthly. I don't have alpha hormones. My roommate has alpha hormones. Each month, my period spins in a sickly cycle trying to keep up with hers. I can't tell you when my period will come, my body can't even tell you when my period will come. Every month I'm another week early until my menstrual cycle recycles to the right day. Congratulations! You're back on track. But just you wait until next month.
I don't work out even when I'm not on my period. I try to be in bed by midnight every school night, and I typically don't stay up too much later than that on weekends. Almost every time that I am on a couch or a bed I fall asleep within the hour. I can't fight my sleepiness or my want to be curled up in a ball. I always give in.
I would like to be this powerful woman who will be able to clean up her child's blood without sweating it and teach all day then bring my children to their practices and then make dinner all while staying hydrated on my period (seriously the hardest thing for me to do). But I am not that powerful woman. I am not an alpha. Maybe I will be someday, and I hope to reach that point before I have kids and have to be strong for them. But until then, I'll stay curled up in my bed with my ice cream. I'll save the tulle skirt for later.
