I don't mention I have trust issues often; it isn't something that I feel like everyone needs to know. If I say I have them, people will either point out that you should trust them for an assortment of reasons, or emphasize that they will never do what other people have done. And maybe these people won't. Maybe these people are honest, but in my experience humans will be humans.
I understand that sometimes secrets slip, and that we all gossip at one point or another, but that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about people who say they're going to stay around. Honestly, people come and go in life, and I've completely accepted that, however I have not accepted the fact that people will tell you they will stay in your life always, but then they don't. I've become a bit jaded about friendships. They all will end eventually, and normally both parties are at fault. It is a pretty shitty aspect of life and people. People will say to me, "I'll come visit," or "We'll be friends forever," and I don't believe them anymore. Maybe people have the best intentions in mind and actually mean this stuff, but normally it never comes to fruition: its just empty words.
Maybe I just haven't found someone who is worthy and actually means what they say, but I don't think that is it. My favorite people in my life normally are the people who end up leaving (wow that is a sad statement). I'm a lot to handle (aren't we all) and that typically means people only stick around for a certain amount of time, and when I let down my wall to people, that's normally when I lose them.
Losing people is hard, but when you trusted them with everything, it is even worse. So now, I just don't. I sprinkle bits and pieces of myself amongst people and no one ever gets the full story. This way if I lose someone, I haven't invested my full heart into them.
I suppose this sounds really sad and lonely. Sometimes it is, but just because I don't tell my friends everything, doesn't mean they aren't amazing people who lift me up when I struggle. I still have great relationships with my friends, but when I lose them it comes as no surprise to me.
Whenever I meet someone new, unfortunately I always wonder how long they'll be in my life and whether it'll be for the long-term or short-term. Short-term people are great because you expect them to leave, however long-term people are the worst, because you never can trust how long they'll stay around. I suppose that while I can't trust that people will always be around, I can trust that life will bring people in and out of my life when the time comes.
