Excusing toxic behavior is a big issue I've experienced within the mental health community throughout my recovery. Mental illness can hinder a person's actions and moods, but simply brushing inappropriate behavior under the carpet because someone has a diagnosed mental illness only prolongs their recovery process. As someone with borderline personality disorder controlling my temper has been a tremendous struggle for me.

BPD commonly is characterized by varying fluctuating moods, self-image, and risky behavior. One second I may feel completely fine or euphoric but within seconds my mood can completely plummet. A decent amount of the time my mood may switch over to being extremely irritated or temperamental. At the moment I do not realize my actions may hurt those around me. After I calm down and view the situation rationally I have to tell myself "Although I am not excusing my improper behavior, I do realize my mental health does hinder my actions, but ultimately it was me and my own will who yelled at my boyfriend."

There is a difference between understanding a poor mental state can affect someone's actions and simply blaming the actions on their diagnose, and say something like "Sorry I yelled, my BPD made me do it. My anger gets insane" and simply brushing the situation and person's issues with their temper under the carpet. This leaves no room for realization of what the person can do to work on themselves, and in some cases can lead to the relationship becoming toxic or abusive.

In order for someone to truly work on their issues from their mental health issues, it needs to be brought to the person's attention that they are indeed more suitable to acting out due to their mental illness, but in the long run it was them who yelled or threw an item across the room, not their diagnose.