Individuals who identify as bisexual are often asked if they are attracted to men and women equally (applying the definition of bisexuality that defines it as attraction to men and women, which is not the only definition of bisexuality), or if they are “fifty-percent gay and fifty-percent straight.”

This question can come from anyone, from absolute strangers to close friends and family, and can be asked in any situation public or private, often ignoring the incredibly personal nature of the inquiry. Sometimes this question comes from a place of pure curiosity, other times, more maliciously, it is used to as an attempt to gauge the “legitimacy” of the bisexual identity of the individual. While the intention is worthy of consideration, the question in and of itself is problematic.

This particular question perpetuates the myth that all bisexual people claim the definition of bisexuality as an attraction to men and women, while many individuals who identify as bisexual prefer the definition that classifies bisexuality as an attraction to people of their own gender and people of other genders. The difference between these two definitions is important to many of those who wish to include those who fall outside of the gender binary in their classification of who they experience attraction towards. The question can also create a concept of being “more bisexual” or “less bisexual” in relation to their “attraction percentages.” This not only alienates many people who identify as bisexual, it also ignores the reality that attraction is truly fluid and complicated. It may vary by day, degree, form, time, and circumstance, so even someone who may describe themselves as a “fifty-fifty bisexual” on one day may not on the next.

This “percentage question” also naturally leads to another problematic question: how are bisexual people in monogamous relationships able to “give up” the other percentage of their attraction? This propagates the myth that sexual activity is what defines one’s sexuality, as opposed to attraction. It suggests that bisexual people require sexual activity from all genders that they are attracted to for fulfillment and to “maintain” their bisexuality, which also leads to the harmful stereotype that bisexual people are “greedy” and will inevitably cheat on their partners because no one individual will be able to fulfill their desire. All of these stereotypes are intertwined and underlie the percentage question, and, hence, it often frustrates those who are asked it, regardless of the asker’s intention. A common response to this is for the individual to state that they are “one-hundred percent bisexual” as a means to dismiss the question and stand in protest of the stereotypes that it perpetuates.

More practically, the question is flawed as it implies that sexuality is not fluid and has no fluctuations. In the case of some people who experience something on the bisexual spectrum of attraction, including myself, the “percentages” that they would assign to their sexuality on one day may not be the same as on the next. They may be attracted to different traits or perhaps experience different types of attraction in people of different genders. Setting a number to something so malleable and dependent on so many factors is in vain, even setting aside the problematic nature of the question.

Despite the countless issues with the question of percentages, it is important to remember that there is a spectrum of bisexual attraction, which spans from more attracted to men/women or more attracted to people of your gender/other genders, depending on your definition of the term. The spectrum is not “more” or “less” bisexual, but a spectrum of attraction, similar to the broader spectrum of human sexuality. Assigning percentages is harmful and problematic more so because it is often pursued by outside parties, as opposed to the individual who identifies as bisexual.

For me, personally, I am far from a “50/50” split, and I will tell you that. I choose to bring it up myself in circumstances where I feel comfortable and the topic of sexuality is on the table because my attraction is strongly weighted at one end of the spectrum of bisexuality, and I have found that I prefer for people to know that in the context of describing my sexuality. However, disclosing that is my choice and not at the prompting of others for me to assign a number to the attraction that I experience. I have a strong understanding of to whom I am generally more attracted to and my “percentages,” if I were to assign them, would likely be very stagnant. However, for others, that might not be the case, as they might experience their bisexuality as far more fluid or may not have any desire to divulge the details of something so personal. If I am asked if I am a “50/50” bisexual, I respond by giving an explanation that I feel comfortable with, but I also explain that the question is most often inappropriate. Most importantly, I try to remind them that, regardless of the varying “percentages” of attraction that bisexual people experience, they are not a certain “percentage gay” and “percentage straight” but are all one-hundred percent bisexual.