As young as I remember, I was different. It sounds cliche, I know. I was hyperactive. I was weird. I had different interests than the kids I went to school with. Of course, I related to them on a certain level. But when it came down to it, there were fundamental differences. I dressed weird, spent a lot of time with my older brother and would go to the library for hours to just read instead of going outside to play.
As I grew older, I went through the inevitable emo phase. That really didn't help my case for not being "different". What I'm trying to get to here is -- of course I was bullied. I was ridiculed for not being like everyone else. I was teased for liking different things. I was berated for dressing the way I wanted. Unfortunately, this did hinder me in being more vocal about my interests. It stopped me from loving things loudly and not giving a damn what people said. It made me very dependant on others' ideas of me and untimately their impression.
Even as I grew older, there were people I considered friends that would make fun of me for loving something so eagerly. They would say: "You're so embarassing. You're not a kid anymore. Don't be so loud." Let's say I saw someone famous that I totally idolized. With the way that I am, I would totally scream and jump up and down (and possibly cry). This would have me met with weird looks, whispers and my friends shying away from me and trying to act like I wasn't with them. I would find out people talked about me being annoying or overly expressive when all I thought I was doing was being myself.
What I don't see here is: what is the problem with someone embracing themselves? What is wrong with totally loving something, unapologetically? What's wrong with someone just irrevocably being THEM? Popular culture as of late tends to preach self love and acceptance, but it seems so fake. We preach to people to love themselves, do what they want and what makes them happy -- but when we see someone doing that and it's not what makes US happy, our acceptance doesn't apply?
I know that I am not free from this judgemental cycle. I have made fun of someone because of their interests before. Humans are judgmental beings, that's just how we always have been. But, it becomes more and more evident that people hate others that love the things they love completely and fully. It's like we are allowed to show mild and skin deepM interest in something but if it goes beyond that, it's suddenly an "unhealthy obsession" or it's annoying.
What makes truly loving something with everything you have and being true self an unhealthy obsession? When something is referred to as unhealthy, that makes it bad. I would say an unhealthy obsession is like eating glass, or maybe someone likes stepping on rusty nails. That is unhealthy. Because it's detrimental to your health. Why should someone thoroughly enjoying someone be made to feel bad about that by saying it's unhealthy. You can be obsessed with something and have it not be under a negative connotation. It's good to have obsessions sometimes. They keep you occupied and happy, as long as they aren't dangerous.
In the spirit of loving myself and loving a lot of things, here is a list of things I really freaking love about myself and other things -- and I don't care if people hate me for it. JUST LET ME BE ME. It's not hurting you!
I love....
My freckles, my height, my body type, the color black, the color green, dressing like a boy, dressing like a girl, dressing however the heck I want, anime, manga, emo music, crying when I want to, being overly emotive, being talkative, being compassionate, being friendly, having quiet time, being surrounded by people, angry music, happy music, sad music, Panic! At The Disco, fangirling over my favorite celebrities, Fall Out Boy, Twenty One Pilots, fanfiction, roleplaying, creative writing, waiting in line for hours for shows, loving my friends and most of all...myself.
