If I think back to any time before college, I remember being bullied. In my current life, I can usually pinpoint my negative emotions to particular moments where I was bullied. Whether it's my mental state or my physical reactions, I can attribute almost all of my mannerisms to the fact that I was bullied for almost my whole life.

"Oh, just quit allowing yourself to be the victim!" -- that's something that I've heard more often than not. As a now 22-year-old, I don't find myself feeling torn down and inferior because of what people say about me in the present. Because of my bullying history, I've worked hard to either grow accustomed to ugly words or just not let them affect me.

What affects me more are words and actions that I have already been said to me in the past. Something in my current life could trigger me to a moment where some girls wouldn't play with me in second grade because I was poor. Suddenly, I'm sad and feeling worthless because younger me couldn't control her financial status then -- so what makes me any different now?

Of course, I certainly know I am different. I am 22 years old now. But there are a lot of times where I will find myself being transported to the mentality of my younger self because of those triggers. Look at me at too long, and I'll assume you're talking about me and about how I look. Having this mentality sometimes ruins my day but sometimes I'm able to push past it.

I find myself being extremely defensive as to what people say to me and how I'm treated. In many situations, this happens more often than not. A very harmless comment or reaction to me can be taken out of proportion by my brain, which is hardwired to automatically assume someone may be attacking me. Sometimes, I'm even left with avoiding contact with someone I suspect for being mean to me so I don't have to face the confrontation if they were being mean.

I do find myself not only taking the defense but more often than that, I stand up for myself. This is different than being defensive. When I'm on the defense, I collapse into myself and I fight mean with mean. I know that it doesn't work -- that two wrongs don't make a right. But after being called names, threatened, pushed and even have books thrown at me, it's my natural reaction.

But, like I said, it's been getting easier to not view myself as a victim but to see myself as the strong person I have the potential to be. Self-confidence doesn't come easily or even overnight, but it starts with holding my head high. I do have body issues and I constantly compare myself to other girls, which stems from being called ugly a billion times.

Years later, I know I'm not ugly. That much is true. But those little bits of self-hatred engrained into my thoughts surface all the time. It's easy to surround myself with people who love me and care about me to get the outside validation I never got growing up. The harder part is giving myself the validation I know I deserve from myself.

I know it takes work, and I've been working on it for my entire life. And it'll continue that way. Like everything else, this takes effort. I know my bullied past doesn't define me and I will continue to work on not letting it.

If you are being bullied or know someone who is being bullied and can't speak out, there are many resources to utilize. If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal because of bullying, you can contact The National Suicide Prevention Hotline online or call them at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to be connected to a 24-hour crisis center in your area.

If you notice you or someone care about are feeling and acting differently, there are a number of counseling and mental health services local to you that can get the right help. You can even try telling a teacher, peer or parent if something is going on -- or contact your district's superintendent if nothing is being resolved.

For immediate and physical crises, please call 911. Remember that bullying ends with us and it's our responsibility to speak out for those who can't do it themselves.