Dear Girl who secretly deals with all her issues and tells the world she’s okay,
I was you. I was the girl who went through high school and kept my feelings to myself. I was the teenager who was different than the rest and didn’t know how to deal with it. I was late to everything from puberty to the latest fashion trend. My best friend was there for me but she had her own growing pains as well. We had our share of school stress, boy drama and family issues. After high school, life’s problems started taking steroids. College had its normal stress and then to add to it, I decided to get married in the middle of my sophomore year. My marriage wasn’t the fairytale romance every girl dreams of. We fought more than we talked. I frowned more than I smiled. But, I dealt with things until enough was enough. After separating from my husband, I moved back to my hometown to get a fresh start. Two months later, I lost my dad. I was a 23 year old going through a divorce and now I had to bury my father, whom I barely knew. Through all of what I was going through, I kept my true feelings and emotions to myself. I painted a smile on my face each morning and faced the world. I pretended that I was okay. Eventually, I even convinced myself that I was okay. Truth was, I wasn’t. I was hurting, broken, and needed someone to lean on. I felt alone most times, even in a crowded room. Reality was that I was choosing to be alone. I had two best friends that loved me dearly. All I had to do was say, “I’m not okay.” It wasn’t an easy start. I reached out to a therapist that helped me work out problems that kept me from using my support system for the support I needed. I then just had a moment of pure honesty with my best friends. I haven’t looked back since. When storms roar through my life, I don’t have to feel like Dorthy lost on the yellow brick road. Although I still have my moments where I bottle up my feelings and put on my mask, I am learning to lean on those that care about me. So the next time you feel like a bottled up volcano, don’t erupt on your own. Reach out to those that care about you, it just might not be a bad idea.
Sincerely,
Girl Who Is Now Free Of Being a Secret Sufferer
