Articles about toxic people in the lives of young people run rampant throughout the internet. I can think of at least fifteen different ones I have seen throughout Facebook and Tumblr. I used to think it was so sad that people would allow themselves to continue to keep people who hurt them in their lives.

Until I realized I was one of those people.

I don’t like change in my own life. I like keeping the people that I have for as long as I can, since I moved a lot as a child and this was never an option. I’ve never been good at making friends, so when I find one, I like to hold on to them, even when they aren’t good for me.

It’s taken me three years of my life to realize the toxic people that were previously my whole world. There were people in my life that hurt me when a friend shouldn’t have that I still stupidly care about to this day.

I let bad people continue to have influence over my life.

Now looking back, I understand what my place was in their lives: I was a scapegoat. Whenever something went wrong, it was my fault, whether I was involved or not. This doesn’t just involve friends. I’m still a scapegoat for people who are just around me, for friends of my friends. I can’t do anything without someone making a big deal about how it affects someone’s life. Even if the people are around me are doing the exact same thing I’m doing, it’s somehow worse that I’m doing it.

I’m the one looked down upon for joining in.

I feel like I’m an emotional scapegoat for way too many people who don’t even know me. My actions in no way absolve you of yours, no matter how wrong you think I am.

This is a wake-up call for both sides of this party.

For those of you who are someone’s scapegoat, please know that it’s okay to drop people from your life, even if they are your best friend. I’ve had to drop three best friends in my life because they treated me horribly, no matter how many times I tried to make it right. You can only explain how you feel about a situation or an action so many times until it just feels like you’re beating a dead horse.

If someone looked down upon you for something they do as well, drop them. Please know that you can only do so much for someone until you have to give up. It’s taken me way too long to realize this.

For those of you who use someone as a scapegoat, leave that person’s life. No one deserves to have all of your excess baggage blamed on them. You can’t blame everyone else for your own insecurities. If you ever think someone is being crazy when they express how your actions make them feel, you need to evaluate yourself first. You are a manipulator.

I’ve acknowledged that I’m sometimes the toxic person in the relationship. I’ve been both of the people described above. This piece wasn’t written to complain about how terrible my life is or how bad my former friends are. I’ve done just about everything I can to amend to those who I’ve used as my scapegoat.

The difference between me and the people I’m talking about is that I know that it’s not my place to tell someone they have no right to feel upset with what I’ve done. That’s a lesson a scapegoat and a scapegoat user could both learn.