We've all seen it, probably multiple times, from different angles, and it's almost like it has become a normal and accepted part of life in our universe- but it shouldn't be.
You guessed it, I'm talking about Donald Trump's hair. I mean, we all have heard the asinine things that come out of his mouth, but what about the dead animal on top of his head? Or, maybe it's a couple pieces of hay? Why is it like that? Why is it the way it is? Why aren't we questioning it more, why has this not been brought up in debates?
I certainly wouldn't trust anyone in the White House whose hair looks like that (not that we'll ever have to worry about him getting in there). I mean honestly, I have never seen another human being with hair that looks like that, which leads me to believe there is something more sinister behind those locks- if you can even call them that. Perhaps he is an alien and that hairstyle is just an extraterrestrial doing an awful job of imitating human hair? Or, maybe he's secretly got a small creature on his head that's actually a succubus possessing his body. For the sake of our country, I've taken a deeper look into his mysterious mane of his.
The strongest case I've found thus far about what is truly going on atop Trump's enormous head is this tiny creature (I apologize for any offense I may cause this little guy by comparing it to Trump's hair in advance)
Wow! How exactly did they remove Trump's hair from his body, I'm sure you're wondering. Well, amazingly, this actually is NOT Trump's hair! This critter is the Flannel Moth caterpillar, more colloquially known as just the "Donald Trump" caterpillar. This creature is actually one of the most poisonous caterpillars in the entirety of the United States, but I'm almost positive that having to listen to literally anything that Trump says will cause you more severe damage than anything this critter could accomplish. Quite honestly, I think a couple of these guys would be a better candidate than Trump.
If you squint and look very closely, you'll see that Donald Trump is actually on the right in the above picture! Wild, am I right? I bet you couldn't even tell them apart before I said that!
Now, it may seem like I am making fun of superficial qualities about Trump, but I'm actually very concerned about what could happen if he became president. How could a man who doesn't even know how to use a hairbrush possibly run an entire country? It's just totally illogical. Moreover, I think it's very risky to have someone in the White House who could easily be mistaken with your average guinea pig.
Just think about it for a second- what would we do if someone captured Trump and replaced him with a guinea pig? No one would be the wiser! And then they would have totally infiltrated our government, with possibly the fate of humanity at the paws of a guinea pig. Those tiny, tiny paws could not handle all that power.
For some extra insight, I interviewed my grandma about her opinion on Trump's hairdo. I asked how we, as a nation, could possibly trust someone to run our country when their hair can defy gravity- something scientists have DEFINITELY not accomplished yet.
"I don't know, Cass, why are you asking me this?" she started, "I'm trying to watch Mission Impossible 3. That Tom Cruise really is something, don't you think?". She then proceeded to ignore me in favor of taking her nightly multivitamin. I then attempted to redirect our interview to the topic at hand, but she was being quite uncooperative, and I then had to conclude our interview.
Even though I have collected so much evidence above, I have yet to find a conclusive answer about what could truly be happening with his hair. There are many, many theories out there, and I believe that maybe one day we will hear the truth, perhaps from Trump himself. Until that day, I just have to hope that all of you out there will do your own thorough research before considering this man for your vote. How can we trust a man to run our nation who we cannot even trust to explain his hair to us? I'll leave the rest to you, America. Make the right decision. Do not let Trump think this hairstyle is acceptable.
