I feel the taste of my tears on my mouth. I feel the trembling of my hands preventing me from calming down. I feel an ache on the left side of my chest. I can see it. I can hear it. I don’t think I ever been that scared before.

I stared down at my phone in shock. They don’t know, do they? They don’t understand, do they?

I stay in bed. I can’t sleep. I call my best friend. “Please, don’t let me go.”

I go to the bathroom. I force myself to throw up. Nothing comes out. Couldn’t have showed how I feel better.

I lay in bed again. I hold my pillow to my face and scream. They voted for a xenophobic, it’s not like they could hear me anyway.

I go to work. I look everywhere, I avoid looking at anyone. I call it fear without even knowing how exactly should fear feel like. But I know I'm scared, so I say I fear.

I sit on my desk. They ask me how I am. I say I am fine. It’s not like they would hear me anyway.

I come back to my apartment. I lock the door seven times. I turn off the lights. I cry once more.

I don’t need to say how many lives have been affected by the results of this election. I don’t need to remind you of how many rivers you can fill with my tears alone. But what I do hope you know is that we, as immigrants in America, whether we are legal or illegal, are grieving the lost of something we fought so hard for. We are mourning the lost of respect and we are gaining back those stereotypes we so much can’t relate to it.

Our future is on the hands of someone unable to spread anything but hate. If you were me, wouldn’t you fear for your life too?

I am afraid. I am so ridiculously scared because I don’t want to go back to a time when it was okay to openly hate; when the women’s place was in the kitchen; when LGBTQA rights didn’t exist; when people of different skin colors weren’t allow to love each other.

I fear what he will do with so much power, but I fear more what those who elected him will do with so much courage.

From today until the end of his presidential term, Trump’s supporters won’t be afraid of the judgment anymore. They won’t fear being called a racist, a xenophobic, a homophobic, a sexist, a bigot. They will feel like they don’t need to hide their ignorance anymore, so they will proudly show how much they think there’s only them in the world. And when I say “them” I mean to say you, white people.

I fear the way you look at me won’t ever change. I fear you will die with so much hatred toward me in your heart. But what I fear the most is that the rest of the country will eventually stop standing up for me.

Trump’s presidential term equals the death of my dreams. Dreams I am not quite ready to give up on it just yet. So let me grieve, let me mourn. Maybe you could even give me a hug, ‘cause that is all we are needing right now: someone to makes us feel like our lives actually matter.

“Donald Trump won the presidency.” I can’t stop crying since it happened.