Hi everyone. You guys have been troopers sticking with me the past few weeks and reading the internet rage that I pass off as articles. With that being said, the end is in sight. The election is tomorrow. In case you weren’t aware it’s a pretty fucking big deal. So, the most important thing you can take away from this article is GO OUT AND F*CKING VOTE!!!!!!!! If you forgot to cast your absentee ballot, all hope is lost, and let's just pray that you don’t beat yourself up about it if your candidate loses by a slim margin. Now chances are that you’ve read my other two articles on each of the two major presidential candidates, if not I highly recommend you go read them to give you some more context for the following discussion (this also means I’ll get more views and can show Mike Zurasky (fellow Odyssey writer) that he’s a little bitch who can’t write for shit). They can be found here, and here. Let’s go ahead and compare the political candidates.

Hillary Rodham Clinton

Clinton has some serious political experience, she’s hip to party politics, and she knows how to play the game. She was Secretary of state from 2009 to 2013, Senator of New York from 2001 to 2009, and the First Lady (ok not really a job but she got to see the ins and outs of the political system so shove it, I’m putting this in here) from 1993 to 2001. Already it should be clear that we’re dealing with somebody who knows how bills are passed, how to convince wayward legislators to come over to her side, and how to function efficiently within the establishment. She was also counsel to impeachment of Nixon over the Watergate scandal. She knows how a bill is passed, Trump on the other hand does not, he has a serious misconception about the powers of the presidency and if he could would probably try to trigger Article 48 (no we don’t have one that was just the Weimar Republic).

Clinton is polished, she’s professional, she stays on script, she toes the party line, she is everything Donald Trump is not, and as a result she is the opposite of what Trump’s die hard supporters love about him. Besides being a “square” and a cog in the machine, an awful lot of people say she’s dishonest and deceitful. She’s not, though, she owns up to the fact that she had a private email server and didn’t use her state.gov account. You know who denies things that are on record? Donald Trump. Seriously he denies words that have come out of his own mouth, I don’t know if he doesn’t remember saying them, or just has really bad impulse control and his hindsight/ego refuses to let him acknowledge that those things happened. You want a list? Well, here you go. Anyway, right now I’m talking about Clinton I’ll get to Trump later. Her scandals; people shit on her for her scandals. Well you can read my article where I break down and analyze her scandals right here. The takeaway here is that on the outside they all seem pretty bad. BUT the closer you look, the more evident it is that it’s not quite the shitstorm that some people would have you believe, nothing was done illegally, but admittedly things could have been handled better.

The upshot on Hillary: She’s professional, she knows what needs to be done, she knows how it needs to be done, and she can get it done efficiently. She isn’t going to try to take your guns, think about it, that is so ingrained in American culture that it literally could never happen. The worst thing that could possibly happen is that some sort of background check, no more strenuous than getting your driver’s license, would be put in place. If you think that is a big deal please, private message me, I’ll try my hardest to save you. Regarding her scandals, they look a lot worse than they are. Plus her being calculative and impersonal person doesn’t help the cause that much at all. She’s not an ideal candidate, by any means, and if you think she is then, sincerely, I mean this with every ounce of my heart: bite me.

Donald John Trump

As far as political experience goes he has none. That’s kind of why people like him, he doesn’t really care what people think of him, he’s abrasive, he says what’s on his mind,and he doesn’t take shit from anybody. “FINALLY SOMEONE WITH BALLS!!!” Yeah sure. He’s not exactly Churchill. Churchill was calculated. Trump is not. Churchill was smart and savvy and was composed with some sense of decency. Donald has no composure. Churchill was a raging alcoholic. Trump apparently doesn’t drink. “Quick someone get booze in this man!!!!” says the Trump supporter in the hopes of turning him into the next Winston. But please for the love of God/Allah/Krishna/Buddha/Flying Spaghetti Monster please don’t get this man a drink. If he doesn’t drink already, he does not need one, in fac, he probably needs a nice joint if anything, chill out watch some Scooby doo, order a pizza, just take a load off Donald. Although he might get paranoid and think that immigrants are coming to steal him along with jobs. I’m sorry, I’m really trying hard not to be biased but it's pretty damn difficult when the man is a walking talking caricature. Seriously, I have no idea why you would vote for him.

Wow, that provides us with a nice segue, why would people vote for him. Well for one people argue he is a fantastic businessman. He’s done so well you know, with a booming range of products such as Trump Vodka and his travel agency Go Trump that are of course still in business and very popular. Wait, what? They’re not in business anymore? Wow, but I thought he knew what he was doing. Probably just anomalies. You know anomalies like these 15 other failed businesses of his. “Well he’s done well with other stuff” yeah like the six times he filed for bankruptcy. So at this point, if your main cause for supporting him is that he is a "good businessman" and "running a country is like running a business" you know which makes sense because you have employees, a budget and whatnot, just go read the above, click on the links. Read the links. Ok, you've read them? Go up to a mirror, say “Trump is a good businessman” and take a long hard look at yourself. “But he’s worth $3 billion dollars!” I hear you say. Well, buckle up buckaroo. Estimates of Donald Trump’s net worth by an independent journalist are placed between $150 and $250 million, even if you don’t believe that, what about the fact that an index fund started with the small loans he received 40 years ago would be worth $20 billion today? OK so I hope I’ve gotten the message across, he’s really not a great businessman. Again, I’m not really trying to bash Trump but the facts really, sincerely, go against this man.

Ok, so without the Business savvy, what are we left with? We are left with an abrasive, outspoken, anti-establishment, authoritarian. Oh, and a fear mongerer. He is, in the classical Greek sense of the word, a demagogue. So, people flock to him because he tells it like it is, well here is a breakdown of Trump's PolitiFact scorecard (for those of you too lazy to click on the link): only 15% of his statements have been listed as true or mostly true, with 15% coming in at half true. Now 19% of his statements come in at mostly false, while 51%, that is literally over half of what comes out of his mouth, has been rated as flat out false, or pants on fire. Don’t believe me? Click on the link, they give an in-depth analysis of each statement. Please, do it. I beg you. Now let’s compare these numbers to Lyin’ Hilary's scorecard. 50% of her statements come in at true or mostly true, with 24% at half true. Wow. She’s doing pretty well. 14% of her statements come in at mostly false, 10% as false, and only 2% at pants on fire.

So, at this point, The Donald isn’t even a good businessman, nor is he truthful, so no he doesn’t tell it like it is. This just leaves us with an abrasive, outspoken, anti-establishment, authoritarian candidate. At this point, I have no idea how you could vote Donald. If you say you’re voting republican not Donald, just so you know presidential systems are set up so you vote for the candidate not the party. No. I can hear you saying, “I’ll never vote for Hillary! No matter how awful Trump is!” First, wow. Second, you are aware there are other candidates correct? Like Gary Johnson. He has a great track record, and guess what, he’s not riddled with scandals. And you like outspoken people? Well, check these videos out!

I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but the absolutely, last ditch effort I can see someone making as to why they would support Trump, is because the Republicans could control him. Think about that. Please. Long and hard. Please for the love of god think about that. When the establishment started denouncing him, his attitude was “ I don’t need them”. No one will ever pry his twitter account away from him. And if they do, you can bet your ass he’s gonna start an account under the name SkankHunt43 or something like that. Seriously, the party will never be able to control him.

So, he’s not honest, he’s not nice, he doesn’t keep promises (he’s refusing to pay his campaign pollster), and he hates party politics. If you think he can be controlled by party politics, you are so wrong. His behavior will literally never be checked. Ever.

I’m sorry, it appears I’ve become very one-sided, but it is really, really, really, really hard not to when you look at the bare facts. I mean come on people. The summary here is that people support him because he is a: good businessman (look at the above, he’s not), he tells it like it is (look above, he doesn’t), and he can be controlled by the party system (yeah and pigs will fly, and Reagan is gonna climb out of his grave and rip bong). If you’re voting because he’s not Clinton, well he’s not your only option.

Anyway, whatever you do, go vote.