If you can't tell that this is satire, I apologize in advance.
1: Brown People Are Ruining This Country
Mexicans, Muslims, Africans. They all come in and steal our jobs and rape our children. Ignoring the fact that Trump has multiple rape and sexual assault cases against him. Because crimes are only crimes if committed by lower-class people of color.
2: I Don’t Have to Worry About Proposing
Being a gay woman, many people wonder why I would vote for a Republican. Well, with Vice President Pence, I don’t have to worry about ever proposing to my girlfriend! Seeing as Pence made it legal for Indiana establishments to discriminate against me and enter me into conversion therapy which has a 50% suicide rate, it is safe to assume he will repeal marriage equality. Phew! No worries about commitment now.
3: He’s a Go-Getter
There is so much controversy around the “grab her p***y” comment that people forget the real message around it. Sure, it describes sexual assault, but the real message is that Trump is a go-getter! Only a man with real balls would be able to sexually assault a woman with that amount of confidence. Who wouldn’t want this man to grab our country by the p***y?
4: He Owes $650 Million in Taxes
Trump hasn’t released his tax returns yet, but he has told us he owes our country over $650 million. What a smart business man! Trump knows how to move money around to keep himself from losing it. Even so, he has declared bankruptcy multiple times. He is nothing like those bottom feeders taking advantage of our government. He’s just smart. I’m totally ignoring that if I don’t pay my taxes I would go to jail. Also, 650 million dollars could pay for my school for the rest of my life.
5: He Will Put Women Back In Their Place
Women have gotten way too ambitious. I mean, look, we have one running for president! It is time we put women back into their place. Out of the work place, stop demanding equal pay for equal work, start submitting to men. Stop persecuting rapists, because women are public property. Start allowing men to hit women again. Women are just way too confident now and it is completely against our American ideals.
6: Make America Hate Again
This great country was built on genocide, discrimination and slavery. It is time we get back to those roots. The civil rights movement was obviously the death of America. America is supposed to be a white country and all of these gays and women and people of color are ruining it! The very foundation of this country has always been hate. And Trump promises to stick to those American Values.
If you found this article completely ridiculous and discriminatory, if you believe these are not the ideals of America, please vote for anybody but Trump November 8th.
