I was depressed…

A knife that was in the palm of my left hand.

I stare at my veins.

Hesitating if this is the best

Because you make me upset,

I was already depressed.

And all you do is yell at me, all you do is hit me,

All you do is make me feel like I’m not good enough.

No matter how hard I tried to make you feel proud for what I do for you,

For what I believe in, for what I want to become.

You just never appreciated it, not even my presence.

So I hesitate. Thinking to myself…is this the best thing I can do?

When I’m tired of life, tired of everything, tired of the way you treat me

Making me feel like I can’t be nothing.

Making me feel like I want to drown and have no one to save me because of the way you treat me, the way you curse at me.

Abusing me.

Making me want to burn myself to feel pain.

Making me want to cut myself so deep that I will bleed to death.

You make me cry,

You drive me insane.

You make me want to say I don’t want to live

If I don’t hear you, you snap at me

If I take my time doing something, you snap at me

You say that your little life changed you

But why do I feel you’re the same person who scratched me until there was blood?

Why do I feel like you’re the same person when you hit me so hard you make me want to quit what I had worked so hard for and just throw it all away? Why do I feel like you’re the same person way before your little life came?

Your little life that is a blessing from God

Your little life that is a gift from the angels

No matter what I say or do it will never be right for you

It will never be perfect for you

You’re like the never ending bully that is stuck in my life and I can never get away from.

You’re like the never ending bully that would just keep making me feel like I don’t want to breathe another second.

You just make me want to fall off the edge of a building to jump from while my life flashes and have blood gushing out of my skull that was filled with happiness, love, hate, sorrow, and depression that could never go away no matter how much I smile the pain away that I feel inside me and can never escape.

All my feelings that are bottled up inside.

So I do it. I cut my wrist slowly with the knife as blood is coming out of me. I stare at it. I stare as my blood is rushing out of me so fast that I start to panic. I get scare because I know I can’t grab a towel and make the blood go away knowing that I will be dead in a second.

And I just cry because it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be sad.

I’m letting out the tears of my sadness but still be sad even after I cry.

I will still be sad even after I die because of all the sorrow that will stay buried in my soul.

Then waking up realizing it was a dream and my wrist was cut free.

But all the pain that was slowly escaping me because you are no longer a burden on me,

feeling finally free since I had left all the agony that you caused me and your life so you

won't traumatize me anymore.