Love and anger are feelings, not reactions. You cannot make someone love you nor be angry at you. Please don't try.
I lost someone close to me this last week. She was not my sister by blood, but she was my sister by choice. She was young, beautiful and trusting. She loved with her whole heart. Notice I said loved, was… not she is.
My sister died at the hands of the man she loved. But like most young girls, she believed she could work this relationship out. There are rumors, but I will not discuss the rumors. I want to write this piece in honor of her and so many others who are abused physically, mentally and sexually.
I have seen abuse early in life, not just the sexual abuse I had, but I watched many female and male friends of mine step on eggshells when their partner was around. Someone who loves you wouldn't want you to be anyone other than who you are. No one is allowed to make you feel bad about yourself, change what you want to wear, or put their hands on you.
I watched a beautiful friend of mine become so timid and afraid because standing up for herself would anger her boyfriend. I have asked friends husbands for permission for them to go somewhere out of fear. As someone who wasn't physically abused (at the time), I couldn't understand it. I couldn't understand how someone could let someone make them do what they want.
Until I experienced it. I felt like I did something wrong and deserved the abuse that was happening. I felt that because I was fighting back, that I was not being abused. If I was more considerate of their feelings that it wouldn't have happened this way.
That is wrong! You deserve to live your life happy. Do, say and talk to anyone you want to. No one has any power over you to make you do anything. If they have hit you once, they will hit you again, and it will never get better it will only get worse. You cannot change them, you shouldn't have to. Love doesn't hurt. Love is not control.
Please don't feel like there is nothing you can do. Even if you all have children together, leave. And this goes for every type of relationship. There is abuse in straight and LGBT relationships. Men as well as women can be abused. It's not a joke so if you know someone who is in an abusive relationship let them know you are there.
If you are in an abusive relationship, there are resources you can use. You can check out certain websites for help or seek out local shelters. You are not alone, check the website below for statistics, AND please leave. Get help.
If you don't know whether or not you're being abused, check out this site https://ncadv.org/signs-of-abuse. There are also resources on this site to help you. You deserve to be happy. If no one's told you today, I love you.
R.I.L. Hannah LeeAnn Roberts December 6, 1997- March 20, 2019
