On Dec. 25, 2015, the devil entered my life. As I was opening my gifts, I got to a small box that held the ugliest watch I had ever seen. "A Fit... Bit? Okay," I thought to myself as I examined the thing. After struggling with instructions and waiting for an hour for it to sync to my phone, I was ready to roll... or walk, if you will.
At first, it was just a little exercise accessory that I remembered to wear on occasion. Then, its talons began to form and slowly tightened their permanent grip on my wrist. If you or someone you care about is experiencing these symptoms, he or she may be enslaved by a Fitbit.
1. "I need my steps" is a common phrase in your vocabulary
I don't care if you have two broken feet and you got 30 minutes of sleep last night and the stairs are on fire and you're 97 years old, I am not taking the elevator! I'll meet you there. I need my steps.
2. Workweek Hustles control your life
Oh, you think you're going to have a relaxing week full of binge-watching Netflix and snacking on popcorn? FALSE. It's 11:59 p.m. on a Sunday night, you think you're safe, and then that friend who gets 80 million steps a day invites you to a Workweek Hustle (for those of you who aren't Fitbit savvy, it's a competition to see who can get the most steps from Monday to Friday). Then it's not just about meeting your 10k step goal anymore. It's personal. Walking in circles like a maniac when you have 15 free minutes is looked at as "weird" to people who don't have Fitbits, but getting that tiny virtual trophy on Friday is worth every weird look. No shame.
3. You mourn your Fitbit when it dies
I'm not entirely sure of what happens when a Fitbit battery dies, because I'm a responsible parent who has never let that happen. But when its battery gets to halfway dead, I panic, stop what I'm doing, and let it charge. Letting it die is not an option. Workouts without a Fitbit aren't even real workouts. On the rare occasion I have to leave the Fitbit behind because it's not "fancy" enough for the dress code, I spend the day wishing I could float from place to place so I wouldn't have any uncounted steps.
I guess you could say I've developed a slight attachment to my Fitbit since Christmas. Is it an unhealthy relationship? Maybe. I'm sure there's help for Fitbit addicts, but frankly, we don't want it. If you like being in control of your own life and not being reminded how many steps you don't take in a day, don't buy one of these demons. Just don't.
