"Don't choose someone to live with; choose someone you can't live without."
I've seen many friends (both guys and girls) trapped in relationships that aren't healthy for them. Heck, I've even been in one.
Just think about that: I know dozens of people who are, or have been, stuck in a toxic relationship. That sickens me. Especially when it's a girl that is getting abused, whether it's mental, emotional, or physical abuse.
*Typically,* at the root, there are two major parts to this problem.
1) Nobody taught the victim how to be treated properly.
2) Nobody taught the abuser how to treat their partner properly.
A lot of the cases I've seen involve one parent upbringing situations.
Boys can learn bad habits from their single fathers, or just never learn proper etiquette that moms should always teach their sons. Girls can learn bad habits from their single mothers, or never be shown by a father the proper way for men to treat women, so they won't know improper treatment when they see it - etc, etc.
Nothing breaks my heart more than hearing a girl talk about "not being worth it."
Everyone is worth it.
Ladies: no matter what you've done or been through, you are worth more than gold, as Britt Nicole says in her song. You are all special and beautiful in your own ways.
Guys: there are definitely times when we can feel worthless too; believe me, I know. But keep your head up and know that God has a plan for you that will blow your mind someday.
If this is you, and you're realizing that your relationship is abusive to you in some way, you really need to evaluate what you are doing. You've already noticed that something's wrong. Maybe it's just that you say "Yeah, I love him, but..." or maybe you've actually admitted to a friend, parent, etc that you know it's toxic.
That's huge. It's a little cliche, but "the first step is admitting you have a problem," because until you can admit it, you can't change it. I'm speaking from experience.
I never noticed it utill after the heartbreak. In my case, noticing the nature of the relationship came way afterwards as clarity and understanding of God's will for me.
If you get to the point of "love" seeming more like a burden, you aren't loving them for the right reason. There are multiple reasons you stay attached, and they're sometimes reasons you can't easily control. That's okay.
If you think this is you, please try to find someone to talk you through it. Find a parent, a grandparent, a wise aunt Meredith, a good friend, pastor, or someone similar that you can confide in and trust.
If you can't think of anyone that fits that criteria, I will be that person for you. Send me an email (mikey@kopp.club) and I'll do everything I can to help and if you want, I can direct you to some extra resources or more experienced people who can help better.
Don't settle for someone you can get along with. Soar above and wait for the one you can't get along without.
