First off, if you have not seen She's the Man with Amanda Bynes, finish reading this and sharing and then go watch it!!!!
I chose this line from the movie because I feel it embodies the awkwardness that can often (seems like always) accompany giving condolences. The idea of this week's article came from a new friend of mine. A new friend who understands loss at our age. Who understands loss of a loved one at our age. They are the first person close to my age that I have been able to connect with on, we'll say the "grief level." It felt so good to have that connection that I was up until 3 a.m. just thinking about everything we shared and how excited I was to have someone to relate to. We both wished that we had become friends sooner, but I think this was a perfect time.
....not just because I was having writer's block this week...nope...
"I'm so sorry for your loss"
"You'll be in my thoughts and prayers"
"He/she is in a better place"
"Time will heal and make things better"
or "smirk and nod"
*insert obligatory or sincere hug/handshake/cheek kiss and so on*
We have all said these words. There is no denying it.
There is also no denying this: it sucks to hear that when your in your early twenties.
Don't get me wrong, any kind of loss effin' sucks. But when someone is twenty years old or 25 or even 30(I am callin' you a youngin) and the rest of the world is depending on you to make a difference and be invincible??? No. Just no.
It's been over a year since Max died. I heard every single one of those lines above and then some. But here's the thing: we really do appreciate your effort to be kind and gentle, but it doesn't help.
It doesn't help because it doesn't bring our person back. It is just a constant reminder that they are gone. We don't want to accept that yet. It's not time for us to accept that. We have lost a part of our hearts. We have lost one of those cups of love that we put in everything we cook or bake.
I don't think I am alone when I say that I don't/didn't want to hear that Max is in a better place because to me the better place would be to still be alive. With me. With his family. With Augsburg. Honestly, I don't even know if I care if he were back to be with me as my love because I also want my friend back, but I digress...
Tell us who have lost that you love us. That you care about us. We need to be reminded that we still have a few cups of love to bake into brownies. We need to hear so much that sometimes we go off to the wrong places or people to find those cups. Or, we feel like we will never find it. We need that kind of sincerity, folks.
Again, we won't hate you for saying one of the societal loss lines. I promise. We won't hate you because WE KNOW IT'S AWKWARD AND NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
Sorry it took so long to get to that important point....anywho
Because it is so awkward and so difficult to find the "right" words to say, I ask a favor of you, my audience. If you have lost someone, what would you rather hear from someone instead of "I'm sorry"? Share it and see what maybe your friends who have lost wished that people had said.
The reason why I ask this of you all is because I firmly believe that it is NEVER too late to express sympathy, care and love to anyone you know who has lost someone. You can hate that person, but you can still share a cup of kindness. Everyone can.
Example of what I loved to hear because of it's sincerity and follow-through, "I am available this Friday night. My schedule is completely clear. If you need me at any time, you call me and I will be there. I want to be there and hold your hand if you need it."
The person that said that to actually did come hold my hand. They came over at 1 a.m. and held my hand. I felt like a little more love existed in my life.
Life goes on with a cup of love...plus more.
