Do you ever walk through a busy street thinking about how the people you pass you will most likely never see them again in your life? This isn't just people you pass by, this can also be your closest friends of you entire life. I want to tell you who I am but in words that are simple yet complex in my head. I think about stuff like that often. I think about being in danger and who I want to keep safe from it. I think about circumstances that will never ever happen but in my imagination they become a scary reality.
Did you know that Philadelphia has the first ever zoo? It's true. They have a huge sign that says "America's First Ever Zoo." At least that's what I remember and what I remember is going to a zoo that had animals out the wazoo but not seeing a single elephant. A zoo without an elephant is like an ocean without whales you just expect to see them there and yet they do not appear. Obviously, this has little to do with me but you see I don't like to talk about me. I am boring. I am a full-time student, I work two jobs, I have rehearsal every day, and I try to keep all of my friends and family happy within the small 24 hours that brings endless possibilities. Some days I just want to give up. Not go to work or school or rehearsal or anything that keeps me sane and just lay down wondering if I'll ever amount to anything and become someone who people see as not a raindrop but a hurricane. Not like Hurricane Matthew but like a hurricane that keeps away from making people leave their wonderful homes and making the happiest place on earth turn into a ghost town. A hurricane that will one day disappear into nothing but leave behind a trail of who I was as a hurricane just to move onto something people care about like who will run a country that thinks we should corner people who smoke and allow people to openly carry weapons on campus.
My dad can cook. I cannot. My mom can speak Spanish. I cannot. I can't do a lot of things and the things I can do cannot be noticed because they are simple. I consider myself an actor. If you've ever seen the film "Birdman" you'll see where I'm going with this. In the film Sam asks method actor Mike, "How do you go out there and pretend to be somebody else in front of all those people?" He responds by saying "I don't pretend out there." When on stage I can do anything and everything and it will be all for you. Because I never really do much for myself. I do it for you and you and people I don't even know. Off stage I am secluded and scared to be someone that will drive people away. I am completely and utterly and actor outside of the stage. I am a drummer when I am playing guitar. Do you ever think about why?
This article isn't something you should care about but for me it's something that I want to be seen. Debates suck. Politics for me is like seeing the same cell phone commercial over and over again. The one with the multiple Jamie Foxx's though, not the one where "Can you hear me now?" became a joke instead of an original tag line. Maybe all my friends will leave me and one day I will realize what it means to be alone and what it means to fade into the storm that is the population of 7 billion tiny little raindrops. Some days I want to run away. Some days I'm scared to say that "Good." when someone asks me how my day was. Everyday is good and that's what I keep telling myself. Did you know that the guys in the Sonic commercial once did a 25 minute improv performance based off of only a doughnut. Now they do 30 second jokes about crappy food for television. Maybe that's where I'll be one day. Maybe one day I'll actually be. But for now, I think I will just be me.
