If there is anyone out there like me, you love to help people, fix them, put them back together. I have always felt this urge to gravitate towards people that need fixing and healing, thinking I can be the one to give them that. I look for the best in people, when others just want to see the worst. I am very observant, compassionate, understanding, and persistent. These qualities sound great, and they are, but for the right person.
As I'm sure many of you have realized, sometimes we give the best parts of ourselves to the people who do not appreciate them. We tell ourselves one day they will see, all of the things we have sacrificed for them. But why do we wait for that day? To get the appreciation we so deserve, when there is probably someone willing to give it to you right here, right now?
You see, we miss out on opportunities, when we give our loyalty to a person undeserving of it. We spend months, even years, trying to get a person to see all that you have done for them when they just simply won't. It is not fair to ourselves to wait around for someone to see something that is right in front of them. If you have truly done someone right, they should know it, and appreciate it through their actions. There is no excuse for them not to. So don't except that from anyone. When we stay with someone because we think they will change, and that things will get better, that is us not putting ourselves first. We think we can put up with the crap a little longer, for them, because we loved them. But what we need to realize, is that sometimes you need to love yourself more. You need to love yourself enough to recognize when you're being taken advantage of. Do not lose yourself trying to help someone who does not want to help themselves. If your efforts are not appreciated, do something about it. The longer you stay, knowing that you're not being appreciated, the more you will be taken advantage of. If you're like me, you hate to see someone suffer, you want to help them, see them be the best version of themselves. I see potential in people who don't see it in themselves, which can become a dangerous thing to involve myself in. Some people are willing to change, and can become motivated with a strong individual by their side, others cannot. It is ok to help people, but when you start to lose yourself in the process, you need to shift gears, focus on yourself, and do what is best for you. Without realizing it, you can get too involved to the point it's all you think about. How you can help this person, meanwhile you just failed a test and should probably study for the next one. But instead you call to check on them, just to be told everything is fine, when you know it's not. Then your mind starts to go crazy. You have completely shifted the focus on them and off of yourself. It is ok to be selfless, but it is also ok to be selfish. If helping someone is affecting your grades, mental state, anything involving your well being, it is not serving you. It is really hard to watch someone you care about go down a bad path, but if your efforts are going unnoticed, you need to let go. Continuing to worry about someone who isn't worried about you or themselves is toxic. You will be on the path to losing yourself trying to save them...
Hitting the eject button is very very hard, and some days you will feel like you did the person wrong. Sometimes you will feel like you made the right choice. Sometimes you will wonder if there was anything else you could've done. You have to remind yourself that you did everything you could for that person, but it became too toxic for your well being and you had to make the choice to put yourself first. Do not EVER let anyone guilt you out of making that choice for yourself. If you are not being appreciated, do not wait around to feel it from someone who most likely won't realize it until you're gone. Appreciate yourself, for having the patience and compassion you had, and do yourself a favor....leave. The longer you stay with someone who doesn't realize your worth, the more you'll lose sight of your worth.
Sometimes you make sacrifices for those you love and care for, but that does not mean you should constantly have to put up with disrespect, ungratefulness, and lack of efforts. You should get what you give, and if you give a lot like I know i do, you deserve to get it in return. When we settle for less is when we lose ourselves.
When people are in a dark place, they can't always recognize the wrongs they have done to someone or realize what they have in front of them, I get that. But when that support system is gone, the one person who was really there, they will feel that one day. Not right away, but they will. I promise. They will appreciate you when it's too late, that is usually how it goes. Find closure in that. Accept that you have done everything you could for that person, and it was not good enough. But do not get confused, that does NOT mean that you were not good enough. It just means it was not good enough for them, that one person. There are many people who would think your efforts, your love, is more than good enough.
So instead of making excuses for those who hurt us and walk all over us, let's stick up for ourselves. I refuse to lose myself trying to save someone else. I know that I deserve someone who appreciates me, and so should you. There are too many people, too many opportunities to just settle for someone who treats us any less than we deserve. If you feel their efforts are less than yours, leave. You can only help someone who wants to be helped. Know your worth, and make sure they know it too.
