I have always loved weddings. I grew up reading "Bride" magazine and making wedding dresses out of tissue paper for my stuffed animals. Ever since watching “Father of the Bride,” I started planning out my dream nuptials.
After seeing “27 Dresses” for the first time, I became obsessed with the idea of writing for a bridal magazine or blog, which caused my Google search history to become a list of wedding photography blogs. Somewhere in the filing cabinet are the dozens of sketches of bridal gowns I designed when I was younger.
I love seeing how other people express their personal style on their big day, and I, of course, have mine planned out already to a fairly detailed extent. I have a Pinterest board dedicated to saving my inspirations.
Strapless off-white or cream mermaid ball gown with billowing layers. Outdoor evening ceremony by a glistening blue body of water. A vegan menu option along with salmon. My favorite flower - lily of the valley - peeking out from behind the bridal bouquet.
At the end of this summer my cousin is getting married, which quite naturally reignited my fascination with weddings. A few months ago I attended her bridal shower and discovered an unexpected challenge for my own wedding: ridding the traditional gender segregation.
A wedding is a celebration of love, and I believe it should be inclusive of everyone without gender restrictions. Traditional wedding limitations on participation based on gender are not something that I want to have when I’m preparing to tie the knot. After a couple of months of pondering, I came up with some ideas on how to divorce wedding festivities from exclusionary old fashioned customs.
My mom always says that bridal showers really aren’t any fun until the groom and the fellow shunned guys show up at the end. What is it about testosterone that gives the party its punch?
It’s not so much the men, but rather the frustration I have with society’s strict binary gender rules, which becomes especially prominent during wedding festivities.
First off, I want to do away with the notion of the bride’s parents’ footing the entire bill. While the idea of getting some financial help from the folks makes sense today since weddings are usually very pricey, I also believe that it is the responsibility of the couple to pay as well.
If my fiancé and I don’t have the salaries to pay for our wedding without parental contribution, then I’d probably wait for better financial stability before walking down the aisle.
Even before the wedding, I want to forgo the traditional bridal shower that is girls-only and instead opt for a giant engagement party after the announcement. Instead of a bachelorette party - the final celebration of the single life - I want to take a co-ed road trip to celebrate love in the form of friendship. I would want my fiancé to feel free to do the same.
My disinclination of the gender boundaries of wedding festivities comes partly from my sadness over excluding some of my amazing friends from the fun just to fit the traditional girls-only parties and partly from my defiance of the gender binary.
As for the wedding itself, I imagine the bridal party walking single file down the aisle and standing all around the altar without the men assigned to the right of the groom and women to the left. Who wants to worry about pairing up groomsmen with bridesmaids to walk in twos down the aisle?
For the bridal party attire, I would choose the color scheme and some options, but leave the final choice up to each person. I joke with my tomboy best friend that I’ll make her wear a floor length dress and high heels. Honestly, though, I’d rather have the bridal party comfortable in what they will be wearing for the entire time rather than force them into attire that upholds the gender binary.
Who says a bridesmaid can’t wear a color coordinated pantsuit?
While I would love to say that my feminist superwoman self would be quite content walking myself down the aisle that is one tradition that I would have trouble breaking. I can’t imagine walking up the aisle without my dad and mom by my side - not to “give me away,” but rather to embrace my fiancé and his family.
I don’t know if I plan on taking my fiancé’s last name, but I do know that I won’t have the ceremony end with a pronunciation of “man and wife.” It’s either going to be “husband and wife” or I’m not getting married.
The ceremony might be over, but the end of the gendered line is still not in sight!
The aunt of my cousin who is getting married pointed out to me at the wedding of her son a few that the mother-of-the-groom gets very little attention compared to the parents of the bride.
Why not have four inclusive parent dances instead of just the father-bride and mother-groom dances? I would love to bust a move on the dance floor with my mom after the wedding and choose a song that symbolizes my relationship with her.
At the end of the night, I want to know that I had an inclusive celebration of love divorced from traditions upholding the gender binary and gender segregation.
