My family is painfully aware of the fact that I am incapable of accepting help offered to me by others, especially those close to me. From third-grade homework problems to relationship advice, to assembling my college nightstand, I am determined to figure it out on my own. However, when I am met with refusal after offering to help someone, I’m often frustrated and left wondering why they refused. These two contradictory statements create a divide within my life of consistently seeking to uplift others but never letting myself be uplifted in the same way. If you level with this inconsistency or care for someone who is impossible to help, then read on. Here’s why you and I struggle to accept other’s help. To the helpers, let this inspire you to be resilient.
You want to prove that you can accomplish it on your own.
Even if you know in your heart of hearts that there’s no way you can get it done. It’s OK to be prideful and determine to show off your handiwork but don’t forget to be reasonable. You cannot wear yourself too thin while attempting too much all at once.
You want to spend your time helping others instead.
While desperately avoiding other’s offers to help you, you ferociously desire to channel that energy in helping someone else. (Twisty, we know.) Create a balance between helping others and seeking help from others. Find joy in lending a hand and find peace in grabbing ahold of a hand.
It’s hard to admit that you need help.
You still want to prove you can do it on your own. Or, similar to denial, you believe that seeking assistance validates the problem. Admitting you need help isn’t giving up, it’s a reasonable acknowledgement that you just aren’t ready to do it all by yourself. It takes courage to know when to involve others.
You don’t want to burden anyone else.
Myth: If this is your problem, why would you allow someone else to handle it? Accept the offer. Solving problems with others allows you to grow closer with them, and you can be the one helping next time. They do not see it as a hassle; for they offered for a reason.
You wonder if there’s an ulterior motive.
Chances are high that they get joy from helping others. Remember how you seek to offer your assistance to loved ones and allow someone else to experience that satisfaction. Even if he or she has an ulterior motive, he or she wouldn’t have offered to help if he or she was only in it for selfish gain.
You don’t want them to think less of you.
You don’t want anyone thinking that you’re giving up. In reality, they will think more of you. They will realize that you, too, aren’t perfect and can’t do everything singlehandedly all the time.
At the end of the day, be persistent. Remind your loved one that you know he or she doesn’t want your help but he or she needs it. Show them that you’re going to be there even though they may push you away. It’s not easy to be on either side, but there’s satisfaction found in giving and receiving.
