From a very young age, I was raised in a very faithful Catholic household. Every Sunday we went to church, my brother and I went to CCD, and every summer, there was a camp through the church that we really enjoyed. There was never a question in my mind that what I was being taught was the truth.
My dad's parents were very devout Catholics, or as I described them when I was little: "Strict Catholic Grandparents." I love them immensely; however, their interpretation of the faith was much different than how I chose to interpret it at the time. From what I remember, they viewed God as an almighty Judge — you needed to do penance for your sins, or you went to hell. Though they seemed "strict" to me as a child, all they wanted was for me to stay on the right path and be faithful to what I was taught. Unfortunately, the way I interpreted what they were teaching me was that God is a cold and judgmental figure who focused on condemnation rather than mercy. I truly wish that I had been able to have the mindset that I have now so that I could better appreciate their faith. Overall, what they demonstrated for me is an undying faith that they lived in a beautiful way. It was wonderful to see them so passionate and devoted to what they believed.
My mom's mother was much different in her approach of the faith. She was focused on a more spiritual and loving figure that had a warm, comforting presence. Being around her, you could feel the love of the Lord radiate through her. Though she battled cancer for 14 years, I never once saw her give in to despair. Similar to my other grandparents, she was very devoted to her beliefs and spreading the good news. Her faith in God was what carried her through the ebbs and flows that life presented her.
Fast forward to now: I just completed my first year in college, and I have no idea where I stand religiously. After going through my philosophy and theology classes, I developed an attitude of dissatisfaction with accepting what I had been taught as truth just because my parents said it was truth. I discovered that I could not articulate my beliefs whether it be about religion, politics, or social issues. I did not have a thought that was actually my own, nor did know whether or not I wanted to abandon everything I had been taught. The one thing I did know is that I would not settle for anything short of the truth.
What I am currently doing is searching for truth. I am educating myself on the Catholic faith as well as other religions to see what I feel most connected to and what I could use to carry me through the rest of my life. Religion has always been a huge part of my life, and it is essential to me that I discover what truth is and how I will accept it into my life. I am blessed to have parents that are encouraging me to find my own way and will support me even if I believe in another religion. I hope that through this questioning and discovery, I will be able to find myself and what I can believe.
