I think my least favorite emotion is disappointment. We’ve all felt sadness, anger, even frustration- but there’s nothing quite like the feeling of being disappointed. I think some people get used to being let down. They get used to the feeling of not getting what they deserve. I’m guilty of this myself and I hate to admit that sometimes, even when I know I deserve the world, I settle for less.
Never settle, I’ve been told. Why keep people around that constantly disappoint you? Why put effort into someone who doesn’t give you what you deserve? I’ll tell you why: because maybe the thought of losing that person is scarier than getting treated less than perfect. Lousy excuse, I know, slightly cowardly even. But what can you do when you have a forgiving heart?
Sometimes I wish instead of having a heart filled with gold, it was filled with stone. Tough, unbreakable barriers. The truth is though, I’m weak when it comes to the ones I love. I allow myself to be broken, taken advantage of and hurt. Doesn’t everyone get hurt sometimes by those close to their heart? Well, they shouldn’t.
Deep breaths of frustration.
Eyes swell with tears.
Fists clench.
I’m disappointed.
I fill my ears with music and block out what I’m feeling- even if just for the moment. For the time being, I am in control. Why can’t this feeling last forever? Why must I always forgive?
I’d like to think people can change. I’d like to think they have the same heart as I do. My compassion will pay off, won’t it? After experiencing constant disappointment though, I start to think it may be useless. Maybe I should just worry about myself.
People. Will. Disappoint. You.
It’s one thing to be angry with someone. Anger subsides. It’s another to be sad, which can be cured with a smile and some ice cream. Disappointment is a different story. This is a completely different level of being let down.
I’ve learned that all you can do is be yourself. If those in your life don’t like it, forget them. The biggest mistake you can make is force someone to put effort into you. If you truly mattered to them, it would be effortless. Life really is too short to put up with disappointment. You could be free, if you let yourself.
I think I’m beginning to come to a point in my life where I’m building up the strength to stand up for myself. I know what I want and what I deserve. Don’t settle, I now tell myself.
Settling will never lead you to a place you want to be. Everyone gets disappointed now and then, but I’ve come to learn that sometimes constant forgiveness allows for constant disappointment. If you know what you want, go and get it. Do not ever settle for less.
